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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Why did ex block me on facebook?

39 replies

RichTee · 12/07/2012 18:49

(May I apologise in advance for this thread making me sound like a hormonal teenager)

I am very happily married with 3 Dc's. 10 years ago I had my heart broken, I was in a relationship with a man for a few years, he didn't treat me well and it came to a messy end. He got together with his now wife the week after we split up and we have only briefly seen each other twice since.

Two weeks ago he added me as a friend on facebook, I accepted, admittedly I often think about him and what happened, it had a huge impact on me for years afterwards and I have never really had closure - although I am now over it and very happy.

We exchanged a few emails, he 'liked' some of my photos, 'added' some of our mutual friends and then blocked me... Please don't get me wrong, I am not still in love with guy just a bit insulted and perplexed?!

OP posts:

kinkyfuckery · 12/07/2012 18:51

He was maybe just curious and has now had the curiosity fulfilled?

He is maybe jealous that your life is happier than his and doesn't want to see it anymore?

He maybe only added you to get to some of the mutual friends?

Original poster

RichTee · 12/07/2012 18:53

kinkyfuckery - perhaps a bit of all three!

OP posts:

Catsmamma · 12/07/2012 18:53

maybe his current ladyfriend found out and went apeshit?

you see a lot of that on here!

^OP: omg my dh added his ex on fb

Poster: leave the bastard!^

loganberry12 · 12/07/2012 18:54

maybe his wife see and wasnt happy about it

Bossybritches22 · 12/07/2012 18:56

Yep I'd guess he was rumbled by the missus & had to delete you, move on, not something to dwell on!!

PissyDust · 12/07/2012 18:58

Another vote for his wife not being happy.

HerRoyalNotness · 12/07/2012 19:03

Vote for the wife speaking up. DHs ex did similar, although they have a DD together, and DH only uses FB for her to contact him through. She friended him for a week, then defriended. But her H is a bit of a twat.

MissFaversam · 12/07/2012 19:10

He was either just being nosey or his current got the hump. No biggy really.

mistressploppy · 12/07/2012 19:11

'his current got the hump'

mistressploppy · 12/07/2012 19:12

(even with the spelling)

susiedaisy · 12/07/2012 19:12

Yep I agree, either he's sated his curiosity and had a think and realised he doesn't want you seeing all his stuff on fb or his now wife may of had a hissy fit!!

bigTillyMint · 12/07/2012 19:13

I would imagine his current DP is not happy with him being friends with you.

chibi · 12/07/2012 19:17

How do you know if you've been blocked?

Looksgoodingravy · 12/07/2012 19:45

I would hazard a guess that his wife maybe felt uncomfortable with you being on his friends list or he had a change of heart. I wouldn't dwell on it.

perfectstorm · 12/07/2012 20:16

If one of the ways he treated you badly was shagging around, and he got together with his wife a week after you split, then he'll almost certainly have shagged around on her, too. That would certainly make for her being seriously unhappy with his getting into contact via facebook, and to be honest, it would make me about his motives for doing so, too.

If it was just a personality clash and he isn't a git of that variety, then sorry to jump to conclusions. But it does sound like his wife was, reasonably enough, unhappy at his having online-intimacy (because 1 to 1 online is, somehow) with a woman he'd been with a week before the start of their relationship. And honestly, if he is not someone who treats the woman in his life well, can you blame her?

susiedaisy · 12/07/2012 20:17

I think when your blocked you can't even find them on the search option, it's as if the name doesn't even exist to the blocked person!

Original poster

RichTee · 12/07/2012 20:47

perfectstorm - You were right first time, yes he cheated on me a lot and also cheated on her a lot too, she isn't on F/B herself and he has only just joined, I wonder if she banned him?!

I realised he had blocked me when I tried to reply to his message and I couldn't. I mentioned to a friend that he had left f/b and they said he is definitely still on there, they had just seen a status update from him.

I have never been 'de-friended' before let alone blocked, feels a bit strange especially as I haven't actually done anything.... Ah well, I imagine it's for the best.

OP posts:

Abitwobblynow · 12/07/2012 21:01

He saw sense, decided not to go any deeper muddying his past, and recommitted himself back to his spouse. Which is what you should do, too.

Sensible, thoughtful man of integrity. Were there were more like him.

Original poster

RichTee · 12/07/2012 21:08

Abitwobblynow - I am completely committed to my spouse, but thank you for the advice

OP posts:

Abitwobblynow · 12/07/2012 21:23

Rich, not slagging you off, but it is this blurring of the boundaries, slowly slowly, that causes the problems - read Shirley Glass. It is a slippery slope and I think he recognised that.

I mean - what would you have done, had he responded warmly and positively to what you said?
What about if he had started sending you messages?
Then IM? When would you have stopped?
Then it is the meeting up for a coffee.

THIS is how secret friendships start.

I mean, have you told your H to whom you are very committed, that you are in contact with s/one from the past who really hurt you? (you don't have to answer that, just to yourself).
And have you told him how peturbed you are that you got blocked?

See what I mean?

Shirsten · 12/07/2012 21:59

Maybe it was too upsetting seeing you and your happy life now. I've blocked 2 exes on Facebook because I couldn't bear to see or hear anything about them - one because he was abusive and the other was the one I posted about recently (coke addict). I liked him and didn't want any reminders.

Looksgoodingravy · 12/07/2012 22:43

Totally agree with Abitwobblynow - it's all about boundaries.

changeznameza · 12/07/2012 22:51

yeah i'd be a bit hurt too but you'll get over it and its for the best that you're not in touch... i agree with others that his current got the hump and/or he had satisfied his curiosity...

perfectstorm · 12/07/2012 22:52

Abitwobbly, he's a compulsive shagger. Seems much more likely that he left his FB logged on, wife checked up on him, and went ballistic. And who can blame her.

OP, he's done you a favour. Speaking as someone whose ex was also a compulsive shagger (amongst a bouquet of lovely qualities ) I recognise the wish for closure. But let's face it, short of a personality transplant or a penisectomy, he was back in touch because he wanted an affair. That simple. And even if you never went there, he'd have messed with your head, because that's the way men like that get laid so often, and their girlfriends don't leave. They're good at mind games. Seriously, it would only have caused pain. He hasn't changed, he won't change, and the only possible closure is to regret wasting so much time, but to be grateful it's his wife wasting her life on the creep - not you.

interviewdilemma · 12/07/2012 23:41

I've just realised an ex of mine did the same. How strange

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