Feeling a sense of calm

[jimmyjimmy]

Ok, here goes. I normally read the threads from time to time, but life has got so increadibly difficult over the past 3 weeks and tonight it has came to a head.

My mother has been diagnosed with cancer, which has spread and we are awaiting the next steps with treatment. She has now been admitted to hospital with a clot. I have found out some pretty shocking information about my mother, which has totally changed my view of her and I am struggling to deal with the cancer and the other information.

Tonight, having come in late from work and currently studying and have an assignment due, my 2 year old is still awake and doesn't go to bed until after 930. Every night i put my 2 year old to bed, night after night, whilst my partner of 9 years hides in the kitchen and "makes dinner". Tonight, after finally putting my 2 year old to bed, my mobile rings, which I answer and it is my sister phoning with an update about our mother.

10 minutes of speaking to her, my partner comes through to the living room and stands and stares at me until I get off the phone (which I don't do). Once off the phone I am accused of treating him as invisible and i didn't have the decency to come and tell him that our daughter was asleep as he was very importantly waiting to boil the pasta.

I cannot deal with confrontation at the moment and I am struggling to get through with each day at the moment. My partner basically told me that i was making him feel invisible, and to quote "No - Expletive....., it's half past ten, nobody is getting tea tonight, well done.......

Strangely, i feel a sense of calm and want the confidence to awaken tomorrow - having been told it is either me or him that is sleeping on the couch. I chose me! To awaken tomorrow and decide enough, is enough and leave this unsatisfactory relationship for the hope of finding happiness. Or is it that I am confused and this is a normal arguement that some people have in their lives. Life has not been easy over the past 3 weeks and I know that I have been forgetful, tired, emotional and thinking of myself, but surely a 35 year old male is totally capable of boiling some pasta?

Ask him to move out. At any time nobody needs this shyte. For you right now it is dangerous for you to be around. You have a very ill Mother. You don't know if you're coming or going and his behaviour on top of this could push you over the edge. He is being a childish twat and his attitude towards you is disgusting! You need support and an environment at home where you feel safe to think, talk and cry.

Have some time off and ask RL friends for support. Get yourself some therapy too as you deserve to treat yourself better in the future.

All the best.

jimmyjimmy, in place of anyone else answering..it isn't about the pasta or your mum's suffering as you know. Your OP could have centered on lots of incidents and examples over the years v. probably.
tbh I to would have chosen the sofa. And yes of course, if you ahve the strength to leave this rel. at a time of family pressure and with a 2 yo dd then the prognosis is good for finding proper love and happiness elsewhere. imo.

Thank you SoleSource. It puts it in perspective when someone else gives their views. I read something recently to view life as an outsider at times and having read your post, i probably would say the same back. The Pan - yes, the sofa is the better, empowering option. Thank you

That sense of calm is a very good sign that you are in the right place to take the action you want to take. Good luck.