Think I have thrown something wonderful away...

[Fuckedupagain]

Sorry, just feeling down and need some perspective

Split up with h about 6 months ago, and very quickly fell for someone else. It was supposed to be very casual (fb if you want), but after spending time together something just clicked and both of us fell in head first.

We have had some truly wonderful times together, and for the first time in years I have felt completely loved, and have mirrored those feelings in return. It hasn't been easy, am going through a divorce, and at times both of our stress levels have resulted in us taking stuff out on each other that we shouldn't have.

Anyways... We had arranged to go out on Saturday night, to dp's friends birthday party. I have met him a couple of times, but didn't know anyone else. Stupid stupid me, had been feeling under the weather (dx with shingles yesterday) hadn't had anything to eat all day, couple of drinks in the house, got to the party, and ended up absolutely shit faced. To a point where I actually can't remember anything. Dp had to take me home (he was driving), I was sick in his car, and generally an absolute nightmare.

Next morning he tells me how horrendous I had been, made a fool of myself and him, the main focus being discussing the size of his man hood with his mate's girlfriend in not such a favorable tone. I can't remember this. I don't even think this. I have never thought this, our sex life is great, so it doesn't make sense.

He is understandably totally pissed off with me, and although we have seen each other a couple of times since, its not the same, and he has said that he doesn't think he can get over it. I have promised him faithfully that it won't happen again, and that anything I said was certainly not meant, but I don't think it's enough.

I am truly gutted. I feel physically sick at the thought of loosing him, I really did think I had found my soul mate.

What do I do?

There's not the slightest chance you were talking about your ex, or no one in particular?

Always drink a glass of milk before going out drinking, if poss eat a slice of bread and a banana too. (That's my alter ego jumping in, btw, and nothing to do with me!)

I tend to disagree house, theyve been seeing each other for quite a while now. They aren't "dating"

They've been seeing each other 5 ish months. That's new really. If she posted. "He got roaring drunk, was a total nightmare, puked all over my car, told my friends I have saggy tits and a baggy fanny".

Truthfully, we all know and rightfully she would be advised to run for the fricking hills. Red flags a plenty in the still very early stages.

I don't think he should be judged at all for not getting past it. Why should he? It's atrocious behaviour. He dosent however have the right to punish her continually. So in that sense it may have been a lucky escape.

Well I think 5 months is long enough to know that it's not her general behaviour to be honest.

Something else is going on.

Maybe, maybe not. Does not change the fact five months is very, very, very early still.

Most decent, nice people. Would be horrified, if their new partner, got so pissed they became a total nightmare, puking everywhere, and screeching about private things. After 5 months, most normal people would call it quits. As its awful behaviour.

Op cannot prove or disprove what happened either way, she was to shitfaced to remember and being a nightmare, her own words. So the moral of the story is don't get so pissed you lose total control and can't remember anything. Not only would it avoid situations like this. I don't know many genuinely nice guys who would move on from such behaviour, so early on. So best avoided in future.

I agree with MableLable re the soulmate thing.

Did you blackout, OP? Have you heard of the dodgy penis conversation from anyone else or just your boyfriend? Is there anyway you can verify it with this 'friend'?

Either it's true, in which case you should never drink more than two glasses of anything in one evening or he's lying because he's emotionally abusing you - gas lighting and all that. Stranger things have happened.

If it is true, let this fella go and start afresh, after learning to be happy with yourself for a while. Rebound relationships are a bit tricky. Don't let him make you feel any more guilty than you already do. Shit happens. He either gets over it and moves in or lets you go - none of this cat and mouse shite.

My now DH did this to me at a party. Got pissed, was sick, was offensive, locked me out of the hotel room and told me I was "cheap" and that I'd "always been cheap and always WOULD be cheap".
Those words have never left me. However we are still together because
A) I believed him when he said the drunkeness was a one-off. It's never happened again, in ten years
B) He apologised profusely and I trusted he meant it
C) He said (like you) that he had no idea why he said those things because he'd never even thought them! Again I believed him because his actions before AND since spoke louder than the words did

Plus he knows if he ever did it again he'd be toast!
Can you DP honestly say he's never been drunk and embarrassing?!

I agree with House actually, and I think maybe if you are still in the process of a divorce it might be a bit too soon to be jumping into relationships.

Some fantastic advice here, thank you.

Looks like things might be ok. Hopefully lesson learnt, I certainly won't be drinking blue label vodka again

Although have only been split with ex for 6 months, our "relationship" has been dead in the water for a good few years

Thanks again. X