Practical advise needed re leaving him

[TrippleBerryFairy]

Wrote a long post and it all got wiped out, thanks internet.

Short version below.

I'm thinking of leaving partner, lost of issues (poor hygene from his side, no intimacy or sex, lazyness, unwillingness to do things as a family, no help with household chores and lots of excuses instead).

We own a house together. And have a 3y/o. Now, is it wise for me to move out? Is that going to come and bite me on the ass later if it comes to court regarding custody/access to DS? He would be able to pay for it alone if I leave and I should be fine renting elsewhere so I'm not really worried about messed up credit ratings or similar.

Also, do you think a 3y/o/ will suffer greatly if we split? I know it all depends on how amicably we manage to stay, but perhaps there are some of you with same age children when you split - how did they react and was it all really painful for them?

I just see that sooner or later this will have to happen - I cannot put up with him for next 30+ years (I'm 31 btw).

Any practical advice?

I split with my DS' father when he was 3. I had been thinking about it for a long while and decided that it was better to do it while my DS was younger as younger children adapt to situations better. I also did not want it to happen the same year he started school as that's enough change for one year. I'd say generally it was a good time to do it, I'm glad I didn't leave it any longer. He is a well behaved child and seems to deal with whatever life throws at him.
I can't help you with house advice as I stayed and bought my exP out. Good luck with it all

Thank you Open. Can i ask what where the reasons for you to leave? My P is not violent, i just dont seem to be able to put up with the untidyness, lack of interest and many other things. Sonetimes it feels like i'm kicking up a fuss and want to leave him because if trivialilies but on the other hand they depress/enrage/sadden me...

Mozarela, I got him to leave, the relationship had irrevocably broken down, there was nobody else involved which I guess helped. He was untidy (but then so am I , I try to fight this daily). He appeared lazy at the time. He was unemployed, I was working full time, I had my DS in nursery mostly when at work because I did not feel (for various reasons) that I could trust his father to look after him. There was also an issue with alcohol and he has since been treated for depression, which can explain the lack of his energy I suppose. I could go on but it all amounted to it being a no-brainer for me, and I guess I also found the courage after a close friend died and I realised that life is precious and we only get one shot at it.
But I am not you, so you need to make your own mind up on how tolerable, intolerable life is. It is not easy being a single mum, I have family help but still have some guilt over dropping him off with them when I work. 5 years on, glad I got out, still single (have dated at times) but for me being single is better than being with the wrong person

I was going to mention depression? It sounds like he might suffer if this is not the norm.
Have you talked about your feelings to him Mozarela? Have you discussed the possibility of counselling? Do you have any feelings at all for him, and him for you?

On the practical side, I think if you maintain custody of your DC you are entitled to stay in your house until they become adults, and I think he also has to make a commitment to pay half of the mortgage.

It may be worth speaking to CAB about your financial and property rights?

Thank you once again. It feels like you had real reasons to make him leave, mine might seem to be petty in comparison. Well i know that ultimately it's up to me to decide whether they are enough for us to split. Your post gives me a bit of perspective though. I think i will try to get us both to relate in hope to improve our communication which has descended into shouting/stonewalling/blaming etc recently. At least if i decide to leave after all, i will know that we have tried at least.

Goddess, i thought about depression too, thats possible as he recently had sort of a nervous breakdown eventhough he has never really helped me with chores or showed much enthusiasm to have DS so that i can clean/ rest before either. He's been like this pretty much since DS was born- he does sort out some stuff in the house but they are one off's- putting up a shed, tiling bathroom, not the day to day drudgery. Intimacy/ sex issue has come about very early in our relationship but then i was pregnant 4 montgs into it so it's not like i knew about it before. Counselling discussed and a real possibility, but i dont think he would address the depression if he was confirmed to have it. He's cathegorically opposed to antidepressants to the point where we had rows when i went on them after the birth of DS. He was absolutely raging when i went on them without discussing ut with him first (cause he didnt have a chance to talk me out of it). Love? I' dont know, he says ge loves me but in my eyes his actions dont support that statement. Do i love him? Perhaps i could/ would if he was more giving/ improved his hygene/ helped with chores. I dont know :(