Neither of us want sex - feels weird!

[Orenishii]

Have name changed for this, mainly because I feel a bit shy So sorry, this is long!

I just need some advice really. DH and I have been together for 6 years, and very much in love. Our first DC is due in 2.5 months. Things are really good - hard going workwise, don't get me wrong, and being on the cusp of parenthood is a bit scary.

DH has is a personal trainer - he loves it but he has early morning clients, and late night classes. Sometimes he gets by on 4 hours a night. He works extremely hard, and being a PT is a very demanding job. I'm still at work in a hard slog of a role for a corporate - I often feel overwhelmed by the demands, and as much as DH encourages me to consider not going back after maternity leave and go for the freedom of freelancing (what I do is more than made for it - digital marketing), I am frightened of it and shackled to the full time salary.

Sorry this is long - just giving the background! In short, we are in a healthy, supportive, loving relationship but both have life demands going on, and the biggest change of our lives is about to happen.

So the rub - it's that we haven't had sex in at least a month, maybe longer I think. I know it doesn't sound much but it's a shock to me, within our dynamic. I've raised it with him a few times - he brutally honest, says he's tired, he's stressed, it's not a priority. I think he can see my changing body and has gone into super-protective MAN mode rather than seeing me as the sexy woman he married (from his perspective - not saying I think I am this sexy being!). All that I get, and if I am honest - I'm not hugely feeling very horny myself. We are still very physically demonstrative towards each other. I know he is as in love with me as ever, and he is completely the love of my life.

I guess I am feeling insecure - there should be no problem if we're both in a not-bothered-about-sex place. But I am over-thinking, worrying we'll wake up one day, miles apart having drifted apart without ever realising it. I know expectations of sex when the baby is born will be realisitic - non-eventful for a while. Maybe I am just not comfortable letting things slide when it's completely realistic that it would, that it's OK if it does for a while. I feel perturbed that he's not missing it - to be honest I'd rather he was pestering me! I really wish he was, and I was having to explain why I don't feel like it. The fact he's not - and I'm not - means I feel like I can't really bring it up, as there shouldn't be an issue right?

I think you are over-thinking it

You are quite heavily pregnant. Yes, some women get ridiculously interested in sex during pregnancy, but a lot of women don't. I couldn't stand DP anywhere near me most of the time, I reckon if I actually thought hard about it I could remember every time we had sex while I was pregnant, it was that infrequent. DP said he didn't 'fancy' me in the same way, my changing body made him see me in a less sexual way because of his baby growing inside me, he was uncomfortable with having sex, especially as I became larger (that old cliche about men worrying they might hurt the baby).

However I know it feels like a big sea change in your relationship. If I am being honest, it has been more of an issue for us after DD was born - she is 5mo now and I am only just feeling in the mood again, while DP has been in the mood for quite a while, so DP has felt a little more rejected now.

But if you are still being intimate and loving, that is the main thing. If lack of sex comes up in conversation or seems to be a bit of an issue then honesty is the main thing - just explain that you don't feel physically in the mood for sex, but that doesn't mean you don't still fancy your husband or love him.

If you have any concerns at all though that your DP is saying that he is 'tired and stressed' so as to not hurt your feelings and make you feel guilty for not wanting sex at the moment, do try and start a conversation with him where you can tell him you miss sex and intimacy, but physically at the moment sex just isn't at the forefront of your mind.