Help - communication issues, not sure I'm being harsh?

[shouldIbecrossaboutthis]

Sorrry this is really really wrong, I didn't want to drip feed!

Dp and I argue over 2 main things. Mainly when we talk to each other we don't understand each other and also what I see as his failure to plan/organise/think things through, or as he says, not do things precisely as I would. We've having a baby in 11 weeks and since I've become pregnant, and possibly less patient this has become more of an issue with mini rows weekly. This is only going to get worse when we are both knackered!

I don't really know how to explain what I mean without soundingpetty. But I just feel like he does things for the sake of saying "I did it" rather than actually thinking about what he is doing. He will often do something only to create another problem.

When I point this out he says things like, "you're not making this better", "now is not a good time", he just walks off and wont talk about it because he is busy, I say the wrong things and have no "tact" and don't phrase things positively.

This issue is driving me mad, to the point I'm wondering how many more conversations I can have like this. I have explained to him how I feel. He feels it's minor.

Is there a book or something I can read to somehow help me communicate with him? Would it be extreme to suggest relate? He seems ot think this is my issue - is it?!

(In the interest of not drip feeding, the thing that has prompted me to post is that we have just had another spat.

His car is in the garage. He knew it was going to be in the garage from yesterday over a week ago, yet didn't arrange an alternative way to get to work. 9pm last night he asked if he could borrow my car. Luckily as I am off work today (which he didn't know I would be) he could.

The car has been at the garage all day. He is unsure if the garage he took it to can fix the problem at a basic level and if they can how much it is going to cost. He has asked the garage to see if they can get the garage across the road (who are a totally different company to the first garage) to have a look at it and do a total fix.

The other garage haven't looked at it all day as they are busy. He has left his car there tonight, in the hope that the first garage will ask the second garage to look at it tomorrow for him. He has no way of getting to work tomorrow and wants to use my car again! BTW his car is safe to drive.

This is 3 days after a convo about me asking him to think things through more. It's like because the car is at the garage he has "done" it and the mechanics will magically fix everything for him . I think the first garage have no responsibility to talk to the second garage and get his car fixed for him!?)

Personally i'd say the car thing is his problem and just leave him to work it out in the morning. It won't take many taxi's to work before he decides to plan.

In general, i'd leave him to things which won't effect you. When he's stuck, he'll start to plan.

Honestly, in the example you've given it seems to me like your worrying and stressing over stuff that you should just leave up to him. You're micro managing him. Back off, relax and let him sort things out himself in his own way.

OP, I think that there is a basic difference in the way you and your P approach life. You like to plan things and make sure that things happen positively for you. So if X were to happen, then the consequence would be Y

"No, it's not convenient for me to loan you my car". End of conversation. Don't engage in any further conversation about his car, how he's going to get to work, etc.

Then let him get on with sorting it out. If you bail him out by loaning him your car then there's no consequences for him for his lack of planning.

Stop stressing unnecessarily over something that shouldn't really concern you, tell him he can't use your car and leave him to it. This is his problem, not your problem.

I'm a planner and my DH is not.

We are polar opposites in this. He hates even having to think about having a plan and I can't function properly without one. I look at this as being both our problems as I do know I am a bit obsessive. I do also know that I can't change him and so we mostly get through it with humour!

We do have situations where we end up doing things seperately instead of as a family because I will have a day off coming up and will say to him - "shall we do something on saturday?" and he will say "Not sure what I'm doing yet" (Which means he doesn't want to plan anything.) I then make a plan for myself because I don't want to waste my day off and then at the last minute he decides it would be nice to take his kids to the beach and he ends up going there and me somewhere else because I have made another arrangement.

I think you just have to let him do his thing and you do yours. If it isn't a problem for him to have your car then just say "Oh that's lucky, I don't need it this week" - don't make it a problem just because you think he should have planned for this. If it is a problem then just say "sorry - I really can't manage without my car you will have to make another arrangement".