Anyone in Nottingham a private detective?!!

[Midwife99]

Stbxh had an affair with his cousin but I need evidence that it's still continuing. She lives in Nottingham & strangely he has chosen that city to do a study week at the University next week. Anyone know anyone?

first cousins marrying in england is perfectly legal.... remembering schoolmate marrying Irish first cousin...had to marry in England as not allowed in Eire. They came over for a weekend.

In the absence of funding for a p.i to keep tabs on him for a week, you'll have to either let it go or resort to the Grand Bluff.

When's he off? On the last occasion you see him before he departs for sleazy legovers with his dcousin paste a smug smile on your face - the look of a cat that's got the cream. Give him 'knowing' looks and put a self-satisfied tone in your voice as you bid him adieu.

If he remarks on your changed demeanour, claim that you don't know what he's on about and that you're merely thinking about chores that need doing/case at work or some similar mundanity but do so in an unconvincing manner - a way that makes it obvious something's up.

Ham it up; we want him to remember your self-satisfaction when you spring the trap on his return.

Precise details of the Grand Bluff will follow after you've reported back on your farewell scene with him.

I won't see him - I last saw him on Sunday when he dropped DD home. I know it's legal for first cousins to marry - its just not right for them to have an affair when they're both married to someone else!!!

Ah, mate. This one's going to be virtually impossible to prove. I know you are half joking but I think you need to let it go.

Though is there any harm with you citing adultery on divorce petition as it is the truth? Is the onus on him to accept/disprove etc?
x

He has to admit to the adultery. Ideally he'd sign a confession statement before the petition as if he does not then admit to the adultery in the acknowledgement of service form this will mean you cannot proceed on this ground. The petition fee is £340 so a lot of money to spend on a petition that might not proceed. If he doesn't admit it and you've issued on adultery you then have to think about amending the petition (to one of unreasonable behaviour) and this just increases costs (additional court fee to amend) and causes delays.

I think you'd get more satisfaction from including the admitted affair with his cousin as one of the factors that have constituted unreasonable behaviour. I don't know your story very well but vagely remember some threads and seem to recall you saying that he wouldn't have sex with you and then ended your marriage somewhat abruptly. The no sex will therefore be another factor but I expect this and the affair are linked (abrupt endings usually point to an affair) and that it never truly ended.

I think I'd be inclined to tell him that you know he's currently having an affair with his cousin, without revealing how you know. And I certainly wouldn't keep any secrets for him and tell lies to others about why you think your marriage ended and didn't stand a chance for the last few years. It sounds like there has been a third party in it for many years.

Yes I have seen my solicitor & we are preparing a petition for unreasonable behaviour inc the affair & texts between the cousins, plus all the other nasty stuff about my weight etc etc. My solicitor is leaving me to decide whether I name her in the petition or not. If I name her she will be served & she could say "prove it" & if I can't (all the texts have been deleted & phone records do not give content) she could pursue me for costs. If I simply call her his cousin on the petition she won't be served & unless he feels like contesting it there won't be any risk to me of further costs. I don't know what to do ....... Yes the private detective request is tongue in cheek but I wish I had evidence.

Oh haven't lied to anyone we know who has asked why we have split.

Could he have done his study week at a university other than in that specific city?

Is there another university closer to his home and therefore more convenient for travel that he could have chosen for his study week?

Willl he be staying with relatives while he's in Nottingham? If so, would that be a factor in his decision to choose that university as opposed to another?

No he is staying in halls, there are study schools all over the country but which course is available where I don't know. He booked it a while ago but i didn't know where until recently.

MW I'd go with calling her his cousin, so that there is no danger of you having to pay her costs but there will be an official record for your 'closure'.

Yes that is for the best. In the long run what matters are the children & finances & me not wasting money I need for them.