Update on me (if anyone remembers!)

[HowamIgoingtogetoutofthis]

Update from original thread:

here

I am grateful for everyone's support. I have had a quiet time trying to make some plans/sort myself out. Just running away and name changing isn't really an option, nor is it sensible, as it could be twisted as I would be the one doing the abducting IYSWIM, albeit for very good reasons. I wouldn't want to give H any footholds.

I have managed to save a massive £350 by not spending anything at all and squirreling away, I had an unexpected windfall that helped. I just need to sell some stuff and I should have enough for a deposit.

I have siphoned off and hid at work the children's birth cerifticates, taken details of all their passports (but not their actual passports as I do not want to raise any suspicions).

I have realised that starting any kind of process WILL escalate the situation quickly and expansively.

BUT following H stating he would be taking DS1 away in the summer (leaving me with his less preferred DS2) and getting SILs to block me on fb (weird) I think things are moving in the wrong direction. I am trying to surruptiously gather a recording of the threats but have to date been unsuccessful. I am photographing all his messages between H and his mother for any evidence, I haven't got anything substantial yet.

I have admitted to a couple of RL friends that things aren't exactly a bed of roses and a colleague and close friend know of the threats and are being supportive but not intrusive or pressurising me. I am meeting with the Health Visitor regularly for extra support and to ensure the children's welfare is externally monitored (should I ever need proof of it all being well).

Most importantly I have made an appointment to see a solicitor. A really good one, with the kind of accolades I could only hope to achieve in my lifetime. I sent an email with the whole sorry situation contained therein and am seeing her very soon. This paragraph makes me feel a bit sick. Like it is all very very real all of a sudden. Hand holding required. Am moving slowly but doggedly.

Thanks for reading.

Just read your original thread and this.....holding your hand my lovely. You are doing the best thing for you and your children, and that is all that counts. Stay strong xxx

You are living a half-life when I picture the younger you was full of vibrant hopes for the future, laughter and fun. Your dcs deserve a chance to be like that too, not fearful & cowed, shaped & hardened by the abuse they see meted out to their mother. Yes, they love their father, children do, even the bad ones that damage them terribly. But you are taking steps to make you and them safe and you are a brave and marvellous woman for doing so. Am so glad you have found a inspiring solicitor who is helping you. Is going to a refuge the path you are going to take or have you another plan?

Just wanted you to know you are incredibly brave and inspiring.

Wow. You are a very inspiring woman OP. Don't lose hope, don't lose that amazing strength and clear-thinking you are demonstrating. Wishing you all the very best and holding your hand.

Just read everything - believe me, I am holding your hand very very firmly.

I remember your thread too.

You were saying 'For all his faults he adores the children. He would never ever just give them up.'

Managing a relationship with a child who lives far away is difficult. It is difficult for the most loving, well-meaning dads. It will prove difficult for your H too, and with all the added complications of the difficult relationship between you two, - trust me, he will give up pretty soon.

'I am considering calling UKBIA, I have no proof, it may be pointless, he'd be back the next day if he was deported, I am absolutely not exaggerating.'

I would still report him. You are right that it might make no difference. Home Office are not good at dealing with these things. But you never know. Different things about him might add up one day and make your case stronger when you'll need it most.

Good luck. Hugs x

"My guess fwiw is that he is using the children primarily to control you - he has no real interest in them. Of course that is not necessarily helpful as he can damage them a lot in order to try and control you, but it may help you in your head as you do your best to keep them away from him."

I was thinking this too - it does sound like kids are too much like hard work for him. Of course it would be a big risk to assume that he would not try to take them away.

Here to hand hold

Your doing so so well OP!! Stay strong I know it's easier said then done but in theming haul this will be so much better for you and your DC's!! I agree with what dicrete said look at all the positives that will come out of this!!! HUG

So much kindness and support, thank you xxx

I admire your courage and strength.

You are doing the right thing for yourself and for your children.

Take the support of those you trust and the professionals who will guide you.

I hope and pray that all will be well.

Good luck :)

You need to inform the Home Office about the threat to abduct your children and take them to Tunisia.
You need to get a Residence Order for yourself stating that the children are in your residential care.

I second the advice to apply for new passports for the children and have them sent to a new address, or better still report the passports they have now missing, accidentally destroyed or stolen. Maybe you could destroy them at the last moment as you leave or take them with you somehow, but only do this if it doesn't put you in danger.

Your children must be kept away from him. Of course he has no idea how to be a parent for them but his extended family in Tunisia would take care of them and hide them from you. He is threatening you with abducting them because he knows it would destroy you if you were to lose them, and it is not an idle threat so take it very seriously.

He doesn't want them because he 'adores' them. He wants them because they confer senior male status on him and it would be a terrible blow to his ego to lose them to a mere woman, and he wants them because he despises you and wants to rub your nose in your inferiority and powerlessness in the face of his might, as he sees it. You wouldn't be the first mother to lose her children forever and you wouldn't be the last.

Please, please, please make sure your H never reads your threads here. When you close MN, log out, and erase the history.