Please help - is he interested?!

[spidergrey]

Or is he just being a lovely empathetic person?!

I had a one-to-one meeting yesterday with someone on whom I've had a crush for some time, and to who I'm very attracted. The meeting was to talk about the state of health of my mother. I know nothing about this man's personal circumstances, however, so was doing my damnedest not to show how I felt.

At the end, as I turned to leave, he put his hands on my shoulders from behind, lay his head on my shoulder and said, well I can't actually remember what he said too distracted by his touch but it ended in "sweetheart". Is he just being caring? Does he do this to all the people he sees?!

I know you're all mindreaders and will know exactly what he's thinking so let me have it, I'm driving myself insane trying to figure it out!

In the interests of honesty here, I have changed a few details and have changed my posting name.

Hmm. First question I'd have to ask is how well do you know him i.e. does he have a ring on his finger? If the answer is yes to that, put on your running shoes.

You say he put his hands on your shoulders from behind, lay his head on your shoulder (did he put his head on his own hand?) and said something. All a bit vague so be extra careful before you decide your move.

If he is single (and it's easy to find out if he is) and you've known each other for 7 years (although for that to be true I would think you'd know him a bit better) and you really like him - why not go for it? Test the water and see if there's anything there. This doesn't have to be some stranger acting inappropriately - this is someone you've been cultivating a relationship with for 7 years and he's only slightly older than you.

So again, if all of your story is accurate and you really find him attractive, find out if there's anything there first. But be careful, as it could be you're mixing signals, particularly in light of the circumstances i.e. the bonds between you, him and your mum / him looking after your mum's well-being etc.

Sorry- but any medical professional knows you DO NOT touch anyone in a consulting room unless you tell them what you are going to do and it is for a professional medical reason.
Imagine if he'd done this and you didn't fancy him- still think it's sweet or would you be running a mile?
And the fact he has known her for 7 years makes his behaviour even worse!

But the point is surely, extremum, that this isn't just some bloke in her life with no role or responsibility. He's her Mum's Dr, though I agree the facts are a bit vague. Therefore it is automatically inappropriate in my book, and smacks of someone who either has a massive sense of entitlement which he thinks gives him the right to do this, or he is too stupid to know what he is doing. Either scenario, the latter being very unlikely, doesn't sound promising.

O goodness - my first thought was "how utterly inappropriate!!" :(

Also, you don't 'know him'. He is your Mum's Dr.

Sorry , had to do school run. Will try and answer some of the points raised. What I have posted is a bit vague, you are all right, but deliberately so. I wouldn't want there to be the slightest chance of him being identified (or me for that matter). But the basics are there in my op, and they are all true.

No, I know I don't "know" him, that's why I put "know" in inverted commas in my op, what I meant was that he has been in my life, as my mum's doctor, for about seven years. I really do have no idea of his personal circumstances (he doesn't wear a ring, but neither did my ex-h), we've never discussed them at all since all previous conversations have been either to do with my mum or on a superficial level. So for all the time Ive known him nothing inappropriate has happened. To whoever asked how I'd feel if I didn't fancy him - I'd just think he was caring and empathetic - honestly, I really would. But then maybe that's just me being naive again. I dont know if it makes a difference that I, myself, am very touchy/feely so don't see it as a big no-no.

Someone asked how old I was - well, definitely old enough to know better! Trouble is, I don't know. I've never had any confidence in my ability to read situations or people, that's partly why I posted, knowing that so many of you whilst not older, will be wiser.

Be back shortly.

Eek. The problem about behaving like that in a professional context is that if you didn't like it/felt threatened it would put you in a really difficult position, because you have to have a continuing relationship with him for your mum's sake. So, the fact he has behaved like this shows he hasn't thought about your position or feelings at all.

He can't know for certain that you are seriously attracted to him, and if he felt pretty sure the feelings were mutual the right thing to do would be to ask very casually (as a poster above said) if you fancied a coffee sometime, while making it clear that there would be no issue if you refused.

It's absolutely not OK. He probably leches on lots of people in your situation. If you don't want to change your mum's doctor then I'd at least avoid being in the same room as him again. If he tries it again, tell him in no uncertain terms that you will report him.

It is sad that his awful behaviour makes you feel flattered and special. Please have a think about your boundaries.