Just wanted to write about mine and my husbands experience with an emotional affairs and how I would distinguish them from normal friendships.
Five years ago I had what I now recognise as an emotional affair. At the time my sister was very ill with cancer (thankfully better now) I was working with two children and also doing a part time MAsters. I carried on as normal but was going under with stress and anxiety. Instead of confiding in my husband I instead started a very close relationship with a man who I met through work. Although our friendship was originally out in the open it became increasingly more secretive through time.
I confided in him instead of my husband how I was feeling. If I had a Bad day I would talk to him instead of my H. Texts and emails built up and I began to hide my phone. I would even take it to the bath with me. I started to deteach from my H and attach to him. All the time I reasoned to myself that it was harmless, I was hiding it all because my h would be jealous of my innocent friendship etc.
Eventually it all came to a head when I met the other man for lunch and he tried to kiss me this was a massive wake up call to me I realised that it wasn't what I wanted, finished the friendship and instead put all my emotional energy into my marriage
Fast forward five happy years later then we had a bad year.I lost my job and we eventually lost our house due to debts, at the same time my husband lost his dad and close friend. He didn't deal with this very well and started going out a lot drinking, smoking again and also developed a close friendship with a woman from work. He had other friends but this was different. He saw her all the time his phone was constantly going with texts from her. He always had his mobile on him, even taking it to toilet with him.
I got very threatened by their relationship spoke to her who said they were best friends but there was nothing sexual. I found inappropriate texts and photos she had sent him of herself. This created another major argument I told him to stop seeing her he refused and we temporarily split up. Even when we tried to get back together her presence was all over our relationship. He still wanted to see her, she still texts all the time. She used to call me assuring me there was nothing going on. I asked her to back off and give our marriage a chance but she wouldn't or couldn't.
I felt like I was going mad turning into some paranoid insecure wreck. Why couldn't I cope with their friendship when other people had friends of the opposite sex?
It all came to a head after a night out where she decided it would be appropriate to sit on his knee!
I told my husband it was our marriage or that friendship. Instead of begging him to leave her alone I was very calm and detached. I realised I was better on my own than in a situation that was making me ill. He started to see that we could never solve our problems if he continued with this friendship/affair
Eventually we sorted things out, he had counselling and we are really happy. We both talked about the past and we are very happy now, although I am not saying it has been easy.
I think that both of us had emotional affairs and both excused these as friendship when they were really a step down the line to having a full affair. I honestly think having an ea is the steps that "nice people" take before going on to the full blown affair.
I think I am writing this to warn people of the dangers of emotional affairs, if you are going through a bad patch and start to get close to someone from opp sex please see the warning signs. It nearly destroyed my marriage