Am I being a bitch?

[inlovewithanarse]

Sorry, might be long..

I've been with 'D'P for 9 months and have put up with him trying to cheat on me, signing up to vile dating sites, excessive drinking, going awol for a week and basically being a complete dick to me. I've let him manipulate me into thinking he will change, begging me to give him more chances and i've gone back time and time again.

The difficulty is that I work for him from home organising various work trips that I go along with him to. I am very people orientated and drum up a lot of business for him. He is good at what he does but isn't great with people so we work well as a team. I have thought about leaving him before but I am always in the middle of organising an event and think, when this is over i'll break up with him but then he sucks me back in by being great - It's frustrating as I know if he was consistent we would make a brilliant team in all respects.

Last night he was absolutely vile towards me in front of my 10 year old, he'd had a bad day and really lashed out at me verbally :( I walked home, texted him stupidly saying I would always be there for him etc... got no reply after a couple of hours, so told him I was deleting his number so that I could not contact him and hope he didn't drown in his own self pity :(

I deleted his number etc. as I always back down and text him. The problem is we have to be at the airport wednesday night for another event I have organised, I have his passport, details of the venues and am halfway through the advertising campaign which has a deadline for tommorow at 2pm. He knows all this and hasn't contacted me until just now with a brief text asking if I had done the advert - no apology or anything. I don't know whether to text back or just switch my phone off.

I also always pay for everything on my credit card as he can't get credit and he gives me the cash eventually but it worries me every time, so I asked him for the balance last night and he kicked off about that too. He pays me for helping him out - it's pretty much a full time job and i'm at his beck and call but I always have to ask several times for any pay and he gets stroppy if I talk about getting a 'real' job as he 'needs' me.

So, what do I do??? I feel strong enough to get rid of him this time. The flights and accommodation are booked and I am so tempted to just go on my own and bloody enjoy a break leaving him to sort himself out for once but i'm a bit scared tbh!!

Supposed to be going Thursday morning, booked airport hotel & parking for tomorrow night. Woken up feeling all fluey tho :( Have checked and could change to an evening flight which would probably be better as i wouldn't have to see him then.

Had a text from him this morning asking if i'd sorted the advert, he's being a complete arse - I don't think he realises i have his passport tho ;)

I've been thinking about why he's suddenly turned on me - I left him at 4 on Sunday after spending the weekend with him and he was fine, he went to see his kids then i saw him at 8ish and he was vile to me - i think something must have happened with his ex.

Sweetheart just do what AF said and put his passport through his letterbox then block delete.

Don't think why he's turned on you just know that he's a twunt.

Don't make yourself a twit by returning.

It doesn't matter why he's turned on you

There might be some stupid and flimsy reason in his own head for that...but the fact remains he is a twat and you are best off without that in your life

Do not reply to his texts

let him chivvy some other lackey along to do the advert, or God Forbid do the thing himself

it's not your problem

you are the priority now

get yourself dosed up on meds and get on that plane, I'll give you a wave on the way over x

If you are both booked to go to Spain won't you see him there?
Will you be strong enough not to be sweet talked while you are in Spain?
I think (from bitter experience with a man like this) that he is not contacting you because he knows full well you will be in Spain with him on Thursday and he can put on the charm and fill you with Sangria and you will melt into his arms and forgive him again ...
You should post his passport through his letterbox, cancel your trip and book a holiday somewhere else.
None of these 'reasons to stay' were accidental you know - you have been manipulated for 9 months.

Yikes - hate flying anyway!! lol

My Mum is worried i'll get sweet talked again too and thinks changing the flight is a good idea - i don't know how big the place is but don't think i'll bump into him, we're only supposed to be there 2 nights before spending 2 nights elsewhere but i plan to just stay in Marbella. He doesn't know which Hotel i've booked either - in fact he doesn't know anything at all, everything is on my email/credit card. I usually print tickets and type up an itinerary for him for trips.

Shame I cant just go now!! I'm guessing he's sorted the advert as i haven't heard anything :) I've never known anyone like him - he's sooooo weird?!? Thanks for all of the advice - it really helps x

Put his passport in an envelope with a 2nd class stamp on and no postcode, and post it from the airport before you get on the plane. No way will it will arrive in time for him to join you. Better yet, put not enough postage on, that'll give you a day or so more while he collects it from the sorting office.

When you get an irate text "where's my passport?" you can reply in all honesty "I posted it to you. Have you not received it yet?"

HAHA - that's brilliant :) I honestly don't think he will remember that i have it, he packs at the last minute unless i do it for him so he'll be turning his house upside down looking for it - wish i was a fly on the wall! Can he fly with his drivers license though as he has that!

"Can he fly with his drivers license though as he has that!"

Depends if his car is Chitty Chitty Bang Bang or not.

Here

You've been with this guy for 9 months? Seriously? You should be walking on air, having the time of your life, not fetching and carrying for this self-obsessed, over-entitled nasty piece of work.

This is an absolute no-brainer. Dump him.

You're not a bitch but you have been a total mug. Never mind, dust yourself off, put his passport through the letterbox and block him.

He won't change. You can, though. Stop being this man's dumping ground, get rid, you'll feel so much better when you're done with him. He's not your problem, you owe him nothing (sounds like he owes you plenty, though).

LOL - guess he'll be screwed then :) I've booked my train to the airport so already started as a solo traveller, i haven't changed the flight yet though as the later flight gets in near midnight so i'm not sure how safe that will be to travel down to marbella :S

I DO need to change, he thinks i should be grateful to him for all these work trips because we have dinner each night - woopy fucking doo, i hate flying, hate staying in hotels and am quite happy with beans on toast thanks, not bloody lobster and champagne! Honestly, he sits there pissed up saying 'this is the life' like he's some millionaire - he's not and never will be!

Sorry - bit of a rant but i need to keep thinking of the shit stuff!!

He sounds like a complete arsehole

I bet everybody takes the piss behind his back

a tin-pot millionaire eh ?

this time next year he probably won't have a pot to piss in when you stop giving him your time and expertise for fuck-all

the thing is love, there will be some other woman taken in by his "charms" very soon, you will have been the latest in a long line of adoring females opening their purse etc

harsh to say this, but true I think (from what you have said)

chalk this one up to experience, we've all been taken in by the Charming Man at some point in our lives x

please listen to AF!!

Shred the passport and go to Spain. Or don't shred the passport and don't go to Spain, but rid yourself of this dreadful man either way. Re-read through your above posts and break out of this horrible situation and get away from this horrible person.

You deserve better!

If you go tyo Marbella get a taxi from the airport to the town. Or, if you get the bus, do not let your handbag out of your sight. Don't let your handbag out of your sight anywhere in the town either. Also it's a very small place really, and you might well bump into him if he goes. He can't go if he doesn't have his passport though, can he.

If you do go, book yourself onto a day tour with one-to-one guide up into the mountains - it's fabulous up there and you will go wild swimming.

Forget about this awful parasite. He was vile to you in front of your young son - you will be doing your son a major disservice if you allow yourself to be sucked back in.

Thank you so much for all of the advice re. parasite & travelling! (Sounds like i'm going to the tropics! lol) Just did all of my ironing and chucked all of his creased stuff in the bottom of my wardrobe.

Really don't want to bump into him (unless i have the arm of a hunky Spaniard around me ;) haha) Just checked and there's wifi at the hotel so at least i'll be able to Mumsnet!!