Somebody please help me with my fucked up brain!

[Igetknockeddownbutgetupagain]

I'm single, after my partner of 7 years, husband of 3 dumped me, pretty much out of the blue last July.

He set me free, really, and I cried for one whole day, and then never again.

I decided to get out there, and got a brilliant 9-5 with nice people, and rekindled a lot of friendships that I had thought had died off. I have quite a full life now, lots of weekends away and nights out with the girls - a life I hadn't had since I started up with the ex, when I was 19.

I also joined a dating site.

Surprisingly, I'm not the boring unattractive girl I thought I was, and I've had dates/fun.. and a few more long lived 'flings'.

The major issues start when I like someone, which has happened 3 times since the split. I can't stop thinking about him, I want contact all the time, and I generally end up freaking myself out with the cycles of thought about the guy in question...and then I dump him quick before he realises how obsessed I am with him, which makes no sense at all.

The latest guy seems pretty keen, but I just can't get enough. I'm convinced he'll go off me. This weekend I was away in Wales where there was no signal and when he text and got no answer, he text a few hours later to say 'Cough cough, still here'. But then today no contact at all until I text this evening - see, I'm overanalysing everything!!!

I've grown in confidence in so many ways, its just this one area where I seem to be letting myself down.

Fucking nightmare!

I say this with love.

Take a deep breathe and get a grip. You sound like a bright articulate woman. Sometimes you just have to make the decision to behave differently and them do it. Over analysing your behaviour won't help.

:)

Thats what my Mum said too.

I think, after you've been in a long-term relationship, even if it wasn't all that great and you're quite happy with your single lifestyle, there's a bit of your brain that desperately wants to get back to the security of being very close to someone on that 24/7, finishing-each-other's-sentences, basis. So you're mentally fast forwarding the whole dating process like the couple in that advert where they go from meeting for the first time to divorce in the space of 30 seconds :)

I would indulge your obsessive teen crush side occasionally and see how it goes. Some men will run a mile but plenty of others would find all the attention very attractive in a woman!

I don't have any advice on dealing with your brain but 'cough cough still here' is horrendous. And he still didn't reply? And you text him again? Ok my advice is a technology/contact ban. Do nOT text, phone or email unless he does first. Do not needle and poke to get a response. Being needy is the most unattractive quality and ultimately, if someone likes you they like you, you cannot control that. Getting obsessive is a sure fire way to put someone off though!

Oooooooh he text cough cough. Sorry, ignore me :)

You sound like me after I got out of my relationship with ex fiancee (also 7 years). I think part of it was that I was quite young when I got in the relationship (17) and didn't really know how to date as an adult. Also, as Cogito said, wanting to be back into a full on relationship (since that's all I really knew).

All I can say is your 25? Date around, have these extreme crushes, behave how you want, eventually you'll calm down and get the hang of the dating thing.

If the guy texted 'cough cough still here' sounds like he's pretty much as 'bad' as you on that front. Some things you could do to cool down a bit include reading back your messages before you send them and if in doubt not sending them, not sending more than you receive, leaving a bit of time before replying sometimes. Enjoy yourself.

That's definitely right, I want to fast forward these things, so I've been almost aggressive with some, asking them out instead of waiting to be asked. Interestingly though, the guys I've had to push and prod have all been younger - no idea why I seem to attract the younger ones - but this guy at the moment is older than me and seems to have gotten bored of games, he seems very straight down the line, which is great for me.
I was having training at work this morning and the lady was using my computer. Any emails I receive pop up with the first line, and about an hour ago he emailed me, with 'Hows your day going stroppy knickers?'. Embarrassed doesn't even come close :S

hmmm....not sure. Bit of a red flag re the tone of these messages. 'stroppy knickers' ? Nah I don't like the sound of that. You sound like you are quite a catch so you don't need to be pushy. Read 'Why men love bitches' or something like that. You'll have them knocking your door down! x

Alright Lovingfreedom, I've ordered Why Men Love Bitches.

Fingers crossed, eh?