My partner is like Jekyll & Hyde, he is a good man but is frequently irresponsible selfish and thoughtless. There have been a catalogue of incidents and I am reaching the end of my tether.
DP & I met 3 years ago. The relationship progressed very quickly - after 6 months or so he moved into my place afterwards we bought a house together and soon after that I found out that I was pregnant with DS (who is 20 months old).
When I was about 5 months pregnant, DP was made redundant, which obviously couldn?t have come at a worse time seeing as we?d just bought the house, baby on the way etc. I know that his confidence might have taken a knock, but during this time DP just procrastinated - 3 weeks into the redundancy and he?d done barely anything about looking for a job ? I ended up writing him a CV and sending it out to recruitment consultants, writing speculative application letters to potentially suitable companies, filling out application forms for him and posting his CV onto recruitment websites. Eventually, it worked and he started a new job (current job) about a month before DS was born. Good salary, more responsibility/challenge, he enjoys it etc. All good?
However, whilst all of this was going on, when I was pregnant with DS, my P registered himself on two websites advertising escorts/prostitutes (one of them was AdultWork.com). I managed to get into his account and found that he hadn?t made contact with any escorts. He also registered on a couple of no strings attached sex sites. I confronted him about it and he said that I had overreacted and that he had only registered out of curiosity and that you need an account to look at the sites, but it still made me feel like shit given that I was pregnant, at my most vulnerable and at the same time was sorting out his life out for him. To cut a long story short, I forgave him, thought that the whole thing was resolved, and for a while things were good.
Recently the selfishness started again when he went on a stag-do abroad with his mates. Typically he hadn?t properly planned for it and so when it came to paying the balance for the flights and hotel and sorting out spending money, DP did not have the money. Instead of telling his mates he couldn?t go he borrowed the money from wonga.com. I was so angry when I found out ? I think wonga are nothing more than legitimised loan sharks, and that anyone borrowing from them needs their head tested. I couldn?t believe that he borrowed from them in the first place (let alone without telling me). Felt it was so fucking irresponsible to have borrowed £400 just to be able to go away on a piss-up. Also couldn?t understand why he needed to (he is on a decent salary, and we have a pretty good combined income). The situation culminated in a massive argument, with him vowing never to take out a wonga loan again. He apologised, I forgave him and then a few months ago I found that he?d lied and had continued to regularly take out loans with wonga.com (subsequently took another half a dozen loans, all at between £300 - £400 a time).
I felt devastated because his behaviour was making a total mockery of our relationship ? What?s the point when you can?t trust your partner? When they don?t respect you enough to tell you the truth? When they don?t have it in them to act like a responsible adult? We went to counselling with Relate, and since then there have been some massive improvements ? no more payday loans and no more stupid NSA sites, he has been a model partner and we have been happy.
That is until this weekend when the selfishness emerged on a whole new level. We have a shared email account and last night I signed in to find that he?s booked tickets to go to the Olympics for him and two friends. (We live 200 miles away from London). He didn?t even bother to tell me about it. He?d booked them on Friday, I found out on Sunday and he didn?t even bother to mention it. I confronted him and asked him when he was going to tell me and his response was ?I thought you already knew?. Then he said ?I forgot to tell you, it was a breakdown in communication? (WTF? Pretty momentous thing to forget?). I had been aware that he and his friends were talking about how it would be a laugh to go, but had no idea that he?d actually taken it upon himself to get his credit card out and actually purchase the tickets. I personally cannot imagine buying tickets for a weekend away and not telling him about it.
I am so sick to the back teeth of his behaviour. It will sound like a contradiction but sometimes life with him can be really good, he can be caring, kind and is a wonderful father, however, we seem to be in a cycle where everything is fine for a while and then all of a sudden he goes and does something dishonest or selfish, and life becomes difficult and miserable again. I have seen how things can actually be good yet it constantly gets fucked up as a result of his behaviour.
It might all sound trivial but I cannot go on like this. I love him, and he can be wonderful, but I dislike him so y much at the moment and I sometime question whether we have a future. I?m sick of going two steps forward, one step back and wondering when he?s going to grow up and act like a normal adult. I?m sorry for rambling on, but my head is all over the place and I don?t have anyone to talk to. Any wisdom or insight gratefully received.