I think there is something wrong with me :(

[dollydoops]

Wasn't sure where to post this, sorry, but am worried about my psyche, I suppose, and the way I relate to people.

I have always been insecure about whether people like me, probably due to bullying at both primary and secondary school. I have always been ok though and had a few close friends from different stages of my life. Not someone to have lots of social acquaintances and I much prefer one to one situations to large groups.

Anyway, my issue is that I have a colleague who I would consider as quite a close friend. We have the type of friendship where we take the piss out of each other and joke about, which is nice for me as I don't usually have these type of friendships.

Two things have happened lately which make me worry about my mental state! Firstly, on Friday was our work summer party and my colleague and I were being 'rude' to each other as usual. I was quite drunk and at one point I took it a bit far and called her an 'ugly bitch'. It was a joke, she was totally fine about it, was laughing her head off and just called me a 'rude bitch' back. But - this is the weird part- I then got really upset, started crying and apologizing and saying stuff like 'I don't deserve to call you things like that'. My colleague says I was also saying 'I'm a terrible person' and stuff like that.

Then today my colleague came in upset because of a row with her boyfriend. She said she didn't want to talk. The thing is, I feel really awful about the idea of her being upset, I wish I could cheer her up etc and am having to stop myself from texting her to ask if she wants to talk etc.

What the hell is this? I know this isn't normal- I feel as though a 'normal' adult would brush these things off, but I can't. Can anyone advise on what's wrong with me and what to do about it, please?

i think you are maybe beating yourself up about it, lack of confidence/self esteem perhaps?

Thanks peppapiglet- I think you're right about the self esteem thing, I worry a lot about whether I'm being too clingy, not attentive enough, not funny enough etc :( I just think I'm being a total nutcase about this colleague. Why can I not just let the poor woman alone if she doesn't want to talk? I just wish I could have normal friendships like other people :(

I think that sort of joking always ends in someone's tears, even if they don't appear to be upset at the time. They are too close to the bone. There's always room to doubt whether someone's actually joking. It's one thing joking about yourself in a self deprecatory kind of way, as in "God, if I get any fatter I'll explode" and quite another thing for someone else to say it.

Just be nice to this woman. You like her and if you're working you're too old to be messing about with childish insults. Just go up to her and be normal and nice and say you hope everything will be OK with her boyfriend.

i also think you are concentrating on her too much and being perhaps a little needy. perhaps work on yourself too. Im sure she'll share how she feels when she is ready. IME if someone is too pushy, it pushes me away.. may not be true for everyone though

If an amount of alcohol was consumed at the party, it could be enough to explain why you did a mood switch and went from having a joke one minute to being a bit morose the next. Lots of people do that.
I know someone who gets a feeling of depression a day or two after drinking which can make them introspective for a while but this wears off. As you have posted on here it is playing on your mind, but really what you describe does not seem major.
More to the point as you say is why you are consumed by what could be relatively normal behaviour? Too much free-time time to ponder it I'd guess? Could also be a reason why keen to get so 'involved' in your friend's problems. Just let her know you are there if she wants to talk and leave the ball in her court. Then get busy with other things, sounds like you may have too much time on your hands so over-thinking things.

Sounds totally normal to me. :) The booze turned your banter into insults and you found that upsetting because you knew you'd crossed a line. As for wanting to know why a friend is upset when they say 'I don't want to talk'... I haven't met many people that could let that one go without digging!

Thanks to all. I agree it does sound as though I have too much time on my hands- actually I am a teacher so I have very little time on my hands and lots to do, but I am indeed 'consumed' by this non- situation, to the extent that I couldn't concentrate on writing a scheme of work today. Whenever one of my friends is upset I'm the same- just keep thinking about it and worrying about whether they're ok, worrying that I'm not helping them etc.
Aargh, I'm a total loon, aren't I? :(

You are not a loon. The first situation is clearly the drink talking, I know it sounds dull but perhaps don't drink much at work do's, I know that makes them dull but better than ending up insulting people/or crying, not edifying really, so I would definitely stop that until you are feeling a bit better.

Secondly, it sounds like you are taking on your friend's emotion a bit when she's telling you stuff. This is not that unusual, but if it's too often, or too intense, you need to put up a bit more of a shield so you can be a good listener without absorbing too much of the emotion.

But, I don't think it's weird to want to text her and make sure she's ok, it's the amount of worrying and anxiety this is causing you that makes me wonder if you are quite stressed/anxious and focusing on this as an 'easy' thing to worry about. I do sometimes find when I am stressed/anxious myself, other people's issues affect me much more.

If this is the case, then I really recommend relaxation techniques, even simple ones like the Jacobsen method (where you relax your body bit by bit), doing it every day, til you feel a bit calmer and more centred and perhaps able to see things in proportion a little more.

Oh god, i've been there a thousand times!! I hate that feeling the next day when you think "did I really say that?!!" Or "did I really do that?!!" You feel like you're the only one in the world who would ever do or say such a thing, but honestly, it's really not true.

Thanks for all the replies so far. I honestly feel that I am slightly abnormal: have had to fight the urge to text my colleague all evening :( I like the idea about relaxation techniques but wonder whether this demonstrates some kind of issue with relationships and whether I might need therapy or something.
Sorry, I know worse things happen and all that but I am worried :(

What specifically are you worried about? When you say you think there's something wrong with you, has anyone said this to you before, or is it just a feeling that you have?

Nobody feels completely 'normal' and very few people just fit in to every situation, but i'm wondering if you have a specific condition in mind?

I have been accused of being needy before. Also, my mum suffers from acute depression and anxiety (has been on meds for 15 years) and I guess I am worried about inheriting that.