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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Want to rekindle my sex life but not sure if I can

2 replies

mumincov · 08/07/2012 23:39

I've been with DH for 11 years now, married 5.

The marriage isn't bad. We both work long hours, both get stressed and he suffers from low energy - spends a lot of time lying on the sofa. However it's not like he doesn't pull his weight - he does stuff around the house (perhaps not as much as I'd like) and does a lot with our DD (which counterbalances the lack of housework).

We have hardly had sex for about 4 or 5 years at least. Some of it has been due to having kids, him working away a lot, general stress/tiredness and having different circadian rhythms - I'm a night person and he's not. But, the biggest reason it fizzled out is that he couldn't orgasm with me at all.

When I met him he was on medication that caused this as a side effect but he came off it about 4 years ago now and on the handful of times we've tried since, it's been the same. He can manage to orgasm on his own ... eventually. I've never tried to pressure him but it has been demoralising.

Anyway I'd been planning to book us a day room at a hotel on his birthday, but now I'm stressing about it. When I remembered this problem my heart sank :/

If anyone has seen any of my other posts, I have the additional problem that I have had feelings for a female aquaintance off and on for a few years. I've never acted on it and don't intend to. However, I do feel it's come to a point where I need for DH and me to get back in the sack because I miss sex so much.

I'm not sure why I'm even posting this, other than needing to vent.

OP posts:
Mother2many · 10/07/2012 00:04

Are you still attracted your DH?

I guess my DP and I seldom have sex too... He wants it... I don't. He pouts that last year we had it a total of 9 times!!

For ME... Blush I am just not attracted to my DP... So, it takes everything in me to even want sex. Selfish/rude, I KNOW.... Doesn't help he seldom cleans himself up (shaving, nice clothes)...and when he does, my mind immediately thinks, "Oh, he's just doing this to get laid! Not because I've complained about the lack of caring how he looks!!)

Sooo... if your still attracted to him... buy some toys...and if he can't finish...he can finish you off... experience...play around and learn new things maybe??

solidgoldbrass · 10/07/2012 00:15

Does he want sex? If he's not very interested then the more effort you put into trying to rebuild a sexual relationship with him, the worse you will feel if he makes lots of excuses and finds ways to avoid you.

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