Things are difficult with my dad

[FreshOutOfSpongeFingers]

I found out 5 years ago that my dad is having an affair with someone he used to work with. It has been going on since approximately 1996. She has a life limiting illness, and my mum considers her a friend :(

I've never told mum, and I've never confronted dad either.

I used to think my dad would never, ever hurt me or my mum. I just feel so betrayed, for me and my mum. Dad has retired now and he goes to see her most days in the middle of the day. Mum has no idea.

I just need a place to vent really as I'm never going to say anything. For all I know mum does know but is turning a blind eye. But I doubt it. We are staying with them at the moment while our house purchase goes through and it's just a bit much for me. I find it hard to be civil with him and obviously he has no idea why! So I probably just come across as a bitch.

Would you feel better if you told him privately that you know he is having an affair, and that you are therefore angry with him? Just express your anger (in words rather than bluster). It sounds like you want to get it out.

Oh gosh I really don't know. I'd say something if it came to a head or if I actually saw him with her, but don't know about otherwise. He'd deny it anyway.

His reaction is unlikely to be quiet contrition, you're right on that.

The question is more: is it important to you to air your feelings? In which case, waiting for things to "come to a head" would be poor timing.

Maybe you don't want to say anything to him - only you can judge that. What I had in mind in my first post was a simple statement of your own position: "Dad, I know you are carrying on an affair with X, and I want you to know that it makes me very angry". Nothing more, no accusations about him or his character, or statements about what you think he should be doing - just a simple sentence expressing your own feelings on the factual situation.