Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need Help with a "Speech" for a Desperate Friend

6 replies

moonblushtomato · 08/07/2012 20:33

(Honestly it is for a friend!)

My good friend has had enough of her DH's behaviour. He goes out all the time with his male friends, never puts my friend first, and never, ever says no if a friend asks him out for a drink.

She has tried on many occasions to tell him how hurt she is and how undervalued and taken for granted she feels, but he refuses to change his behaviour and, in fact, becomes very defensive/verbally aggressive stating things like, "Nobody ever tells me what to do".

On top of all this he contributes very little financially to the household and spends far too much time with his family (in-laws) on top of time spent with friends.

My friend doesn't want the relationship to be over (they have a young DD) but she feels very negative.

During their last serious chat she stated to her DH that she "felt bored" in the relationship as she never sees him. A week later he has booked a holiday abroad with a single - yes, single! - male friend.

She desperately wants things to change but doesn't know how to express this in the best way without issuing ultimatums.

BTW I have told her that my speech would involve the words "buck up your ideas or you're out!"

She has one divorce behind her and I know she wants to avoid another one.

Any ideas??

OP posts:
Dozer · 08/07/2012 21:02

Sounds like she's given those kind of speeches before.

There are not magic words that will change him. He sounds like a bad'un.

aleene · 08/07/2012 21:05

I agree with Dozer. Really, what words can she say that will change him? He sounds pretty awful Sad

RandomMess · 08/07/2012 21:07

"I don't want a cock lodger, I will be booking to see a solicitor as you don't seem to want to be a husband"

moonblushtomato · 08/07/2012 22:47

I think you're probably all quite right, unfortunately.

I know there are no magic words.

I will pass on your advice verbatim RandomMess - it will definitely make her smile, she might even use it Grin

OP posts:
RandomMess · 08/07/2012 22:50
Grin

When it all goes tits up suggest she gets some therapy before she embarks on another relationship. what she wants is entirely realistic and appropriate however she seems to attract and go for men who are cock lodgers...

izzyizin · 08/07/2012 23:03

Is he in the closet gay?

The most effective way in which your friend can bring about postiive change in her life is to cut her losses and serve him with a petition for divorce.

Life is far too short for anyone to put up with less than second best.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page