Worried about DH - long, sorry

[lemonycheesecake]

I've namechanged for this as it's sensitive, but I've been knocking around for a few years now.

DH & I have been together for about 15 years now.

For the past few years now he's had what the GP called intrusive thoughts. He's had urges to step in front of trains or cars - he says he's not suicidal, but the feeling is almost like acompulsion and he
has to step back and shake himself when it happens. He was sufficiently worried about this to see our GPhwho told him that it's not uncommon and not to worry too much if he wasn't concerned about depression.

As I mentioned, we've been together for 15 years. We've always had a great relationship with very few major disagreements. Until late last year - I felt he was getting to close to an old school friend, bordering on an EA. He thought I was over reacting, but did eventually cut contact, but this caused a lot of ill feeling between us that we weren't back to normal until Feb/March this year.

At least, I thought we were back to normal. However, the other day I walked into our room and DH confessed that in work the other day he had taken an overdose of a prescription medicine. He said almost immediately he had an "oh shit!" moment and made himself sick until he had nothing left to throw up. He has also said that he is finding it harder & harder to

ignore these intrusive thoughts.

But, the thing is - he won't go back to the GP because he doesn't feel suicidal/depressed so can't see whyge'd need a doctor. I begged him to, but he won't. I've asked him to call the Samarutans,

Sorry posted too soon.

I just want him to talk to someone, but he won't. He won't discuss it with me.

I don't know why he even told me if he doesn't want to talk about it or do something. Where do I go next? Should I see his GP without him? Will he even speak to me?

Sorry if it's garbaled - i just don't know what to do for best...

I would ask to speak to GP yourself yes, if only to get some information on how you can help your DH.

I don't think GP will be able to discuss your DH with you without his consent, but he could give you some general information without breaking confidentiality.

Do you and DH have the same GP?

No, but we're at the same practice so I can see his GP easily enough. I'm not sure DH will be happy, but hopefully GP will call him in. He doesn't feel sick enough to see the GP, despite what he's done

I'm sorry lemony, I missed your reply.

DH may not be happy now at you seeing his GP however, from what you have said, he really does need some medical intervention, maybe some impartial counselling etc, but GP can signpost to that - I think you would be doing the best thing in the long run.

I dont know if this will help but i used to get intrusive thoughts all the time.

Without realising i did it i used to deal with these thoughts by hitting the side of my own head with my hand or shouting out a meaningless noise or word or suddenly singing or humming!! My fiancee wondered for years why i did this and it was only when he asked about it that i realised i did it. I began to notice the thoughts and figured out they were causing the odd behaviour.

Anyhoo, back to the point. I got a rubber band and placed it on my wrist. Everytime i got an intrusive thought i stretched it and let it hit the underneath of my wrist. It doesnt hurt so much but it does really sting! It takes my mind off the thought instantly and i have noticed i use it less and less. I rarely get such thoughts now and they are easier to overcome. I am very controlled in my nature so i managed to never give in to some of my more extreme compulsions. Although if i am at work i tend to stand next to the window when i use my mobile. Every single day i have a massive urge to just fling my phone out of the window!!! They think i am quite strange enough without me doing that!

If your dh doesnt want to get treatment yet, the rubber band might be a simple and discreet way of trying to control the thoughts.
Apologies for the lack of capital i's. Posting on my phone!

Hi, I work in the Mental Health field and also suffer from intrusive thoughts.

Intrusive thoughts are very much anxiety linked. When stressed, I often have them about stabbing people. The thoughts are frightening but they are just thoughts, I think people really start to get more stressed and unwell when they think that they will act upon these thoughts.

I have found cognitive behaviour therapy really useful to challenge these thoughts and not become so upset by them. An extreme example of thoughts effecting behaviour would perhaps be:

"Stab x with the knife" -> "O shit I'm crazy, I'm going to stab someone" -> leads to avoidance of people.

With CBT help:

"Stab x with the knife" -> "This is just a thought I have when I am stressed, I have never stabbed anyone yet" -> less anxious about being around people.

Your DH should get some help, intrusive thoughts can be tackled. I am a very anxious person but rarely a depressed person, I think the two can be seperate. It would be such a shame for him to continue living like this if there is help available.

Depends on what area you are in but there is usually a long waiting list for CBT but you could get a private therapist if affordable or there are some do it yourself books which is the cheaper option but you have to be quite self motivated for that.

I also take a small amount of medication long term to keep them under control.

Would your DH read this thread if you printed it?

Thank you everyone - your advice is fab.

I'm going to print this off and show him. Then if he still won't go to the GP, I'll go for him and then maybe GP can write and ask him to come in. Private therapy isn't an option, unfortunately, but can you recomend any books George for while we're waiting for therapy? And the elastic band idea is one I'll ask him to start today, foxtrot.

Hello,

I have used mood gym before which is online DIY CBT:

moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

It states it is for depression but equally useful for anxiety based problems.

Depending on area GPs can recommend books on prescription to get from library and there maybe telephone based services.

This is our local service, it has a recommended book list attached, it might be worth checking out your local library:

www.talk2gether.nhs.uk/books-on-prescription

I guess the important thing for your husband to take on board is that he is normal and he isnt going mad. Once he understands this, that is half the battle.

Can I also highly recommend doing exercise and getting a relaxation cd also some of my coping mechanisms.

Good Luck