I hate being married...

[LifeinBlue]

Have namechanged for this...

I have been married for 2 years and have one baby daughter.

I always used to say that the most important quality in a husband was kindness. My husband isn't kind. Not really. He can be kind to strangers, kind to our baby, kind to me sometimes, but he isn't "good hearted". If that makes sense? He's very quick to anger.

He has never hit me. But he does shout and wave his hands around in my face. He swears, storms around our house, marches into the garden and hits things. It scares me, which I've told him.

I just don't know what to do. Neither of us are happy. I know he loves me but at the moment I don't feel that I love him or even like him. I don't hate him, I just want to be away from him. I find it so depressing having time together because it inevitably ends in an argument about something silly.

But we have a baby. And we were once happy. And I have to do everything I can to make this work. I owe it to all of us - the idea of our beautiful girl having parents who live apart is heartbreaking. It kills me.

What can I do? Any advice welcome. There's probably masses of other information I haven't included - sorry. Didn't want to write an essay.

Thanks for reading.

"I have to do everything I can to make this work"

How exactly are you proposing to change someone else's behaviour? Why is it your responsibility? If you've told him he scares you and he carries on anyway, do you honestly think that he's ever going to take you seriously enough to change?

'Love' is a verb. It means caring, being considerate, and having the good grace to behave with civility, even when things aren't going well or there's a disagreement. If he's only kind to you when you're doing what he wants, that isn't love. That's a training programme so that you don't step out of line. If he can be nice to strangers, it means he's choosing to be nasty to you. Never confuse the temporary halt in aggressive behaviour with kindness.

"the idea of our beautiful girl having parents who live apart is heartbreaking. It kills me."

The idea of your beautiful girl growing up in a household where she is taught by example that the correct way to treat a woman is to verbally abusive should be even more heartbreaking. If you cannot persuade him to seek treatment for his aggression then your only other option is to get yourself and your daughter to a place where you are not subjected to his emotional and verbal abuse. Do have a look at this checklist as it may help you decide what to do next.