has anyone ever asked someone out that they havent actually spoken to before

[sanchpanch]

my daughter goes trampolining on a wednesday and there is a bloke that works at the venue, we have exchanged looks for about 6 months but never actually spoken to one another, I would love to ask him out but wouldnt know where to begin , what to say and obviously terrified of the rejection if he said no, especially as i have to go there every week!!!!!!

Anyone have any suggestions?????

Can't you just ask an innocuous question about the place/plans for the place/him? And take it from there. Or hand him a piece of paper with your phone number on it or is that too scary?

Crikey - that sounds brave!!
How about just chatting with him first to get a feel for the situation?

Yeah, I'd speak to him first, see if he's worth knowing. Just because he's nice looking, doesn't mean you have anything in common with him.

I've asked out loads of men, by the way. But always in circumstances where I could avoid them easily, if they said 'no'.

yeah i feel if i saw him whilst at the pub i could easily talk to him but its so difficult in the cold light of day, he tried to talk to me last week and i compleatly blanked him, because inside i was shaking!!! so he now thinks i am a rude cow, maybe for the next few weeks i should at least smile at him!!!

They have bands play there on the weekends i was thinking of going along but would look very out of place as its all rock music, and heavy metal (scary)
so i was thinkning of asking him about bands, or maybe i should just ask him for a pen or something
ARRRGGGHHHH I wish i had more confidence!!!!!

Go for it Sanchpanch, whats the worst that can happen??? It sounds like he is interested if he keeps smiling and tried to talk to you , and even if he wasn't I'm sure he would be extremely flattered that you had the guts to try!!

Please do try, you nevee know what could happen ... I have been chatting to a guy I met on Match for a few weeks, we met up a fortnight ago and hes stayed round the last 3 nights and everythings going wonderfully !! And like you I never thought I would feel happy again. Its great to feel special again and have happy thoughts for a change !!

please give it a go and let us know how it goes!! GOOD LUCK !!!!

yes, sanch, if you haven't actually had a conversation how do you know you want to go out with him?? (hmmmmm....based on something other than intellectual attraction I'll wager......)

Deffo talk to the guy first before you think ahead, he may be horrendous (or might have a voice like David Beckham ha ha)!

In my youth I was working in a coffee shop when some guy (who I'd noticed before) handed me a note. It was the sweetest letter about how he had seen me and liked me etc etc. I rang him later and we have a lovely summer romance. While it didn't last long I do have good memories so it does work sometimes. Go for it! you're not asking for marraige, just one date.

Definitely go for the having a brief chat first and then a bit more of a chat and then asking out.

I get a bus to work every day and there are always the same old faces on it. We all nod and smile at each other and occasionally have an 'isn't it cold?', English type moment. A couple of weeks ago one of the men came up to me before I got off at my stop and said 'can I see you again?'. Now, the phrasing struck me as really odd, had I inadvertantly been on a date and not known it? I am, I should point out, very happily married, so flashed a wedding ring at him, blushed and ran. I catch an earlier bus to work now.

Not saying that is what will happen to you, because you honestly seem to have a spark of attraction (I barely even noticed weirdy bus man, apart from to register that he wears a lot of polyester suits that are slightly too short in the leg, probably called Malcolm, you know the type). Anyway, just try and have a chat first to ascertain whether you still find him attractive, if he responds well etc

Good luck

PS NQC lol at 'I've asked out loads of men'. The rest of us mere mortals have trouble plucking up the courage to ask one specimen!

I would just write my number down and give it too him, and just say "Hi, youre really cute, if you want to go out sometime theres my number" and would leave it at that. But I am pretty forward like that and a really bad flirt!

I was a bit more confident in my youth and did this kind of thing a few times. The note with phone number is easy, al you have to say is 'Can I give you this?' and walk away. What's the worst that could happen? He doesn't ring? Either way he'll be very flattered and maybe even grateful.

I did this to a waiter at a wedding (put my number on a napkin), he phoned and we had a few nice dates.

I did this to a bloke digging up a road - I was passing in the car and thought he was gorgeous - he never rang! But hey, you're not going to get lucky every time.

I looked up the e-mail address of a guy I fancied in the uni directory and sent him an anonymous message of admiration. It turned out he was engaged, but we had a nice, friendly (not flirty) e-mail exchange for months afterwards, it was a good laugh.

I sent a Valentine's card to the biggest, 3 yr long crush of my youth - I mean it was bordering on obsession from when I was 14 to 17. I put my e-mail address down and he replied. we went on a date and it was awful, he was awful, sexy as f* but such a nasty guy, spent the evening telling me about all the times he'd cheated on his girlfriends, which ones he made have abortions etc . Still, at least I got closure on that one...!

Most recently I sent a text to the cute guy from Britain's fourth emergency service who fixed my car the other day. The exchange is currently heating up! It's the first time I've done anything like that in years, I am not a big flirt at all and in fact haven't been on a date in five yrs (since becoming pg getting dumped and living as a single mum for ages). Most of these I did when I was younger but might still do, they are all fairly anonymous and thus psychologically 'safe'.

It's only really Britain where this isn't the done thing I know in most of continental Europe men don't think twice about approaching a woman they like (maybe vice versa? I don't know), and I've heard in New York it's really common to ask people out (men and women) just from seeing them and liking the look of them, with no prior small talk. Save that for your first date!

Good luck! If you have been exchanging looks for 6 months he is probably on 'blokesnet' at this very moment posting a similar message about you!

I have to say Sanch that there is no way I'd go up to him and ask him outright without knowing any background (and I'm pretty forward when it comes to getting to know people)

You don't know if he's married/gay/has a long term thing going on and as you say it would be so cringey for you if that were the case and he rejected you. I mean, he might look at every other parent too. You need to brace yourself and just get talking to him every week, you'll soon find out more about him every week and will be able to gauge if he's interested or just a friendly chap

You could then ask him to go for a coffee with you at the venue first?

I would try talking to him, but the draw back is that you might end up perpetually having a little chat and mis the moment when you could have asked him to meet up with you..

I met dp in odd circumstances so perhpas you should just suggest meeting for a drink, nothing ventured

thankyou for all your stories and advice.....

Might just leave it for a few weeks and maybe try and manage a smile at him.... at the moment he looks at me and i look away unable to do any kind of expression (how sad am i) it has been a long time since i was single girls.......

Tamz77, so are you in touch with this breakdown bloke, how did you get his number?

They give you their work mobile numbers when they fix your car, so if anything goes wrong you can call them straight back. I guess I just took advantage...

The thing with the looking thing, is that it goes on for ages and ages and inevitably you miss your chance or one of you moves on. TBH I wouldn't worry too much about people who say 'be careful' blah blah blah. As long as you follow the basic rules of personal safety you'll be fine. And so what if he turns out to be gay or married etc? At least you'll know, and can get over it! Anyway I doubt he will be gay or married because we all know when we're being 'looked' at in that way don't we.

Yes I usually do look away too but it was different this time, five yrs without a date kind of makes you grab any opportunity you can!

Good luck!

As a bloke, I've done more of this than most round here :) Though it's been a loooong time.

I had quite a battery of conversation starters, and if nervous would go for the sparking up conversation, and NotQuiteCockney says, worth sussing him out.
I'd simply stand near him, and pass comments on things, you can do this staring directly ahead at the kids bouncing, so less stressful.
Start with the weather if nothing else, but comments on how well people are doing, won't hurt.
A good one might be, "was nearly late, ex-husband didn't turn up", or something like that which includes the fact thet you are single. Don't forget he knows as little about you, as you about him.

Or you could say "could you just keep an eye on DD for a minute, just need to make a call".
Also, worth getting a friend for moral support. The two of you chat, and attempt to draw him in. She has the advantage that she's not going to be nervous. The trick here is that she fades away after a few minutes.

Time is against you, it always is. If he is single and attractive, others will notice, and anyway the course will end.

Been thinking about this some more and definetly think you need to say something to him - he looks at you and has tried to speak to you so is therefore interested .... also as much as you are scared as you don't know if he's single/gay etc. he will be feeling the same about you as most people will assume that because of your dd that you are in a relationship/married. I know people shouldn't assume it but they probably will!

Please please please try and say something to him!! I think Domoniconnors advice was very good, especially the comment about ex not turning up!! Good luck!!!

the other thing is that you will go one week and he won't be there any more and then you will know that you should have said something !

when you go next,give him some flirty eye contact!!(you look,he looks,you look away etc)and then when you feel abit more confident,ask him about something.
good luck!!