english not first language, please correct me if wrong

[happywithit]

my husband is english, he was divorce from his first wife with dauther, my broblem that all the time when he talk about his ex family he still mention family in law, as far that i understand that they are no longer his brother in low or sister in low, is that right or rong? can he call bouth owr families, me and her the same?
please an answer.

what would you like him to call them?

the real issue is why does this bother you? but maybe he just doesnt know what else to call them, and is used to calling them in laws so carries on, he could call them ex in laws but that would suggest their relationship is in the past, but if he still has relationship with them he may not like to say ex?

he should add 'ex' family in law etc, but he could be just lazy.

No they are not technically his family in laws any more, they are his ex in laws.
I wonder if he still says in laws because he feels still related due to the connection via his daughter?

Does he realise that it bothers you that he still calls them in laws? Maybe you need to have a chat with him, he might have no idea...?

why doesn't he just call them by name, so much easier (with sister/brother).

Considering that you are married to him, I'd be a bit if he called exILs as ILs.

What does he call your side?

I'd call them exILs, as I would the exH.

Even if he doesn't think it's wrong, I think he should consider your feelings on this one, if you don't like it.

'In-law' is a courtesy title that refers to the family of your spouse. Some people refer to 'ex in-laws' after they divorce, others carry on calling them 'in-laws' - I do, in fact. Having to say ex brother-in-law or ex-sister-in-law all the time is pretty long-winded.

I think if he still gets on with them he might consider them still important people in his life so maybe he cares about them still and so calls them inlaws?

I don't know what else he could call them as ex in laws sounds a bit long. He could call them by their names though like Margaret or Craig or whatever they are called.

Talk to him if it upsets you though - if he doesn't realise, things wont be able to be changed.

But to your question legally they are no longer in laws because in law means related to you by law aka marriage.

I hope this helps some. :)

thank you for considering my feeling, i really dont like it, in my country we dont call them in law no more, and i really dont like it, he has to understand it, my family are, if he want to call them that so why did he get divorce for the first time, thats how i think.
today he was in his ex sis in law house to sort out some problem with his dauther, when he called me he mentioned, i am with my sis in law.
i really didnt like it, i prefer if he says i am with (dauther's name anty) will be much better

With respect, you're not in your country.... Carrying on calling them in-laws is pretty normal here and not indicative that he still wishes to be married to the ex. You're going to struggle if you take offence every time something is a little different to what you're used to.

i have in laws, I have relationships with them, I love them.

If just because my DH and I split up my nieces (in their 20's) stopped thinking of me as their aunty and frogot everything we had shared and called me by my name instead I would be heart broken. Because the split would have been because of my DH, not because of them who I would still want to keep ties with and have my children visit regularly etc.

Does he always call them in laws? Or did he say SIL today because he might feel awkward calling her ex SIL when she's standing in the same room as him?

You need to have a talks with him, there is no harm in it really but if it's bothering you then he needs to know.

Good luck.

thank you, i just want to understand if i am right, i will talk to him, i am sure he will respect my feeling, as he respect my culture and from where i am coming. as you said he may didnt notice, so hopefully he will correct himsel and just mention their names instaid.
thank you all

in frontof to me he never mentioned in law thats why i am shocked to hear it after 11years of mariage. maybe as you said she was with him in the room.

Isn't that slightly different, nailak?

We often call non-relatives aunties.

How often do you call your MIL, MIL?

Another way is to call ILs as DC's relatives. As in DC's grandmother, for example.

Recognising the tie where it still lies.

Personally it wouldn't bother me too much, I don't think, but feelings are individual.
Just because it's normal to someone or in a region, it doesn't mean it's normal for someone else, or for the entire country.

they specifically call me chachi though, not aunty, it is a specific type of aunty.

I don't see any problem with him calling them his in-laws. He clearly still has at least a reasonable relationship with them and the alternatives are so long winded. When my parents split, they both continued to refer to each other's family as 'in-laws'. And, I know that my mum's sisters still, even now, long after his death, refer to my Dad as their BIL. It never caused any problems for my DStep Dad, he was also a BIL. In fact, one of my dad's sisters, always called him her BIL even though there was absolutely no formal, legal relationship there at all. But to her, the relationship they shared was akin to that of ILs.

Yes, you may want him to consider your culture, but why aren't you prepared to respect and consider his? Sounds a bit one sided to me.

I wonder why he couldn´t have just called her by her first name?

Thing is though-she is still his daughter´s aunty & his ex wife´s parents are still her GPs.

It´s not as if he can stop seeing them all.

But if it really upsets you I wonder why her isn´t more considerate of your feelings.

I don't think it's cultural, but a matter of personal preference.

He probably didn't consider what name he was using, it's just habit.