Dh just not interested

[Longdistance]

I don't know where to start with this, but dh is spending more and more time without us.
We have 2 dd's 1, and nearly 3. We moved to Oz in October, for a better life, but that's turned out to be a crock of shit! Same shit, with sun!
For the past few weekends he has not been around. Last weekend, he went out the Fri night, and we planned to go out for the day. He rolled in 3am, and fell asleep on the sofa. The stumbled upstairs later, leaving me to sort the dd's out. He woke up still pissed, so I told him not to come with us, as full well know he'll get on my wick. My mil is over on her hols, and she wasn't impressed either.
Today, he left at 10.15am to go on a bus trip to a rugby game, and has left me with the girls again. It's now 10pm here, and he's still not home. He's gonna be hung over again tomorrow, and it'll be up to me to sort the girls again. He actually didn't tell me what time he was going to this game, went out, without saying a proper goodbye, and I thought he'd just gone out to get a newspaper 45 minutes later I ring him, and he tells me he's on the bus going to xxx
So, I'm dumped out on again life a lemon. I have no friends here at all, and I feel he's taking advantage of this. Before anyone says anything, I have tried lots of things to make friends, but it's not happening.
There have been some other issues in our marriage, but we seem to get them sorted, and then he acts like an arse again. He makes it so stressful for me at times, and that i want to tell him to f off.
When he has our girls, he won't do anything fun with them, he lays on the sofa watching rugby falls asleep and leaves them to it :(
Last Sunday, he just sat in the garden reading a paper, and when dd wanted him to play, he refused, and upset her. He then put the tv on for her in the kitchen, and left her with me. We have a park in the next street. He just can't be bothered to interact with them either.
We went on a 'date' the other nite, for a meal, and cinema. There were lots of gaps in the conversation, and it was very dull, movie was good though.
I am coming back to the UK for a 'holiday' next month with my girls, as my parents cannot travel for health reasons (dm cancer x3, and df has had two mini strokes since we moved), so I have to travel.
Am I right in thinking, that dh is just not interested in me, or dc, or am I paranoid? I can really do with this holiday as a break from him, as I think he's been incredibly selfish, and I can't stand that in a person!!!!

Sort out the money before your 'holiday' though!

I have every intention!

We are not always in control of the directions our lives take though Long, as I said up thread. Do not, under any circumstances, beat yourself up about this. This circumstance has happened. You took a leap of faith and you are being let down. None of this is your fault.

Have you asked him why he's drinking so much or would this be red rag to a bull?

Horrified that he won't discuss finances, your relationship, or his dds with you

He's always been a drinker, as he plays rugby, but he sits there at nite with glass after glass of wine/ beer. I've said to him before to give up for a month. But, no, it's too much for him.
He seems to try and mould everything to him. Like, a day out would involve a pub somewhere. We went to the beach a few months back, as my dbro was over. He packed some beers in a bag, and nothing for anyone else. Neither I, nor my db drink beer and he said it was for us too. My db nearly had a heart attack, and said he couldn't beieve how selfish my dh was.

Yeah, it's miserable. I'm lonely, and the person I want to talk to doesn't want to talk :(

Sounds like he is drink dependent, a function alcoholis I think the term is. Look on the AA website for help.

He isn't going to change, but I think you know that

I'd get all financials, get back to uk, tell him its not working. Tell him the drinking and selfishness are unsustainable. He will not change while you're there, get home, get yourself sorted. So sorry this is happening.

Oh god, get the hell out of there! Photocopy everything, ask the bank for another copy of the statements, pack as much as you can for your trip back here and then stay.

Your poor parents must miss you, as you must miss them. Come back home!

You are living with a vile man in a country you don't want to be in, away from your parents, having left a job you loved and you have no friends.

Please don't tell him you might not come back. Talk about things you will do when you're back. Get a calendar and write in things that you will have to do when you come back. Then don't go back.

And for the poster who said it's not her husband's fault that she's put on weight etc, well, all I can say is that you don't realise how being dreadfully unhappy makes you lose your self esteem and ultimately your looks. You don't see yourself as important, as worth making an effort for. It's very, very sad and you shouldn't blame her for that.

He sounds like a wretched man, satisfied with nothing and without the sense to appreciate what he's got. Constantly chasing after something to give him a quick fix of happiness without seeing that real happiness is in his own back yard. I guessed mid-late twenties because this often happens to men that age, thrown by the responsibility of children and scared shitless that settling down means getting old. But a mid-life crisis also fits the description of someone acting like a stupid teenager, lurching from one impulsive act to the next.

He's incredibly selfish for dragging you half way around the world just so that he can prove to himself he's still one of the lads. And he's stupid for risking his entire family in the process.