Why aren't I happy?

[FaceLikeThunder]

I'm struggling with this at the moment.

I have 2 beautiful, well-behaved, healthy,funny children, and a wonderful partner who can't do enough for me. I live in a nice house, quite enjoy my job, we're always skint, but there are more important things.

I just can't seem to be happy.

I'm constantly stressed, and on the edge of rage pretty often, although I rarely lose my temper. I'm a snappy cow, but I try to keep it under control, can't always manage it though

I just don't know what the fuck is up with me. I'm alright at work, but when I come home, I get the miseries almost immediately. Everyone in my house gets on my nerves half the time, I feel like I don't get nearly enough time to myself (even though I do really), I'm tired all the time, and to be honest, I feel like if I had to live with me, I would probably hate me atm.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not always in a terrible mood or anything. I just want to be happy and excited about stuff again - nothing makes me nervous, or excited, or passionate any more. I just can't seem to muster the strength of feeling for it.

I feel kind of...... muted. I've thought that I might be depressed, but I've had a couple of bouts of depression over the years, nothing major, but I know that I hated antidepressants, and would really not want to take them again.

If you knew me irl, you would have NO CLUE about any of this. On the outside I'm just a little bit quieter than I used to be.

Does anyone know what I can do to inject some.... feeling into my life? Does anyone else feel like this?

I could have written something similar myself. Not exactly depressed, but not happy either, and not happy to go on anti depressants.

Last year I found myself a counseller/psychotherapist and have been going once a week. Its very cathartic to be able to talk to someone about anything and everything, without judgement. I have also been talking through my anger, and I have had a few light bulb moments, and a few slow realisations. I don't know how it helps to talk but it really does, I'm not nearly as angry as I was and less shouty.

There are several theories on the cause of depression, a chemical imbalance is just one theory and one means of addressing it, but for me I needed to get to the root cause.

Weird that one of you mentioned that I had put this in relationships.... I thought about it and decided that it's more how my moods affect other people in my life.

I really think it might be a lot of things. I need exercise, and to stop eating quite so much crap, and I need more sleep.

I've thought LOADS that it might be the menopause. I've been having the odd night sweat..... but I don't know if that's because it's been a little tiny bit warmer over the last month.

I'm on Cerazette mini-pill, which I find awesome because I don't get periods - but I suppose it stands to reason that all those hormones in your body might have an adverse effect. I've asked to be sterilised, but they have already refused me twice.

I'm 42 this month, btw. Thanks for all your advice

Sounds like the menopause to me honey. nothing wrong but a bitch, oh yes.

I stopped taking any form of contraceptive. I'm still going through it but it's not half as bad and i can control myself now.

Oh meant to mention, start looking at the calendar and plotting when these feelings of either irrational angst or total detachment happen, bet you find a pattern. Half the battle is knowing what it is.

You don't sound depressed to me at all. You sound bloody hormonal!

Oh fucking hell. Really???

Seren ???

Yes, yes, it's me Just don't want OH seeing my post because he'll take it as if it's his fault, which it really isn't.