Disappointed but not entirely unexpected

[lolaflores]

This post is a total pity party so do excuse me. However, it is perhaps of interest to the toxic club.
My DS is Golden Child with my Narc Mum. I am a sub species in the family. DS has had 2nd child and as we usually ask other members of family to be godparents I was hoping that it might be my turn. Nope. She has asked her friend and her husband to do the job.
So not unexpected but still sad at what might have been the possibility of a nice gesture from her. I kinda don't want to go to the christening now. I think people will be wondering why she didn't ask me well in my little paranoid head anyway.

Why are u wanting to be central to arrangements if they do your head in?

I did mention I was only hoping not expecting. The gesture would have meant a lot to me but I was putting myself in line for a drop kick by doing so. An open goal.

I didn't say why are you expecting to be involved.

I asked why you want to be involved? As you feel they treat you so badly?

The only answer is to accept her decision and move on from it. Don't let them see it bothers you. That will be your small victory.

I didn't even get an invite to my brother's child's christening.

Found out by accident when I phoned my cousin and she said she was getting ready to go - it was the morning of the christening.

I left such pleasant messages on his and my mother's answering services.

Sorry - posted too soon.

If it's going to upset you then don't go.

They have extended an invitation, there's no law says you have to accept. You could be visiting your lovely friend Hath who lives a million billion miles away that day and stay at home

I would still attend the christening. Not doing so would look petty towards the child and really sour grapes.

Rise above it.

Thats what I feel like doing Hath. I don't want them to know I am hurt and sort of think that by not turning up they will realise that. I want to be bigger than them but can't be fucked really in one sense

What a shame, they didn't give you enough notice and you have plans for that day that can't be changed.

you're sitting on the sofa all day mnetting and eating chocolate

I know I am being flippant, but I am old and I have learnt that you have to look after yourself first. If it's going to be bad for your mental health to be there (as it would for me if I had contact with certain people) then it's ok to say "sorry I won't be there"

{{hugs}}

Thanks for understanding. They are profoundly not good for my poor old colander of a brain. I was worried that this would be painful so am doing my best to rise above it.
DH said last night we can be away if you want us to be away. So once I get the date, then we shall sail over the horizon on a last minute trip to see the PILs up north. That should work. Feel like she might be happier that way too.
The night of the blessing of my wedding at our church for me and DH, she verbally attacked me in front of a friend for no other reason than I said what a nice day i had..... she is resentful and spiteful and this is just more of her carry on.

Sorry, I'm confused. Are you saying that your DS has had a second child and that your mother (I.e. the baby's great-grandmother) is choosing the godparents?

I assumed DS was Dsis - ie sister?

I think DS is Dear Sister in this case.

No my sister, the mother of the child is chosing Godparents.
lisaro that is the kind of remark that does not really help or shed any light on the situation, but if you feel being hurtful helps, carry on. As I have said above, I am disappointed not to be a godparent, I had no sense of entitlement.

Lola - you have mail

My DS is Golden Child with my Narc Mum. I am a sub species in the family. DS has had 2nd child and as we usually ask other members of family to be godparents I was hoping that it might be my turn. Nope. She has asked her friend and her husband to do the job.
So not unexpected but still sad at what might have been the possibility of a nice gesture from her. I kinda don't want to go to the christening now. I think people will be wondering why she didn't ask me well in my little paranoid head anyway.

I'm sorry, I don't understand. So your son has had a second child, (to which you are grandmother), and your family normally choose family members as God parents? You were hoping to be chosen as a God parent (despite being a grandparent), but your Narc Mother decided (is a god parent choice really her's?) that someone else would be God parent - her (ie your mother decided that one of HER friends would be your son's second child's God parent?)

Have I got this right? If so, it's just ridiculous! Grandparents are not God parents! (Neither are great-grand parents!)

But I suppose the subplot is that your horrible mother has more influence over your lovely son than you have. I would absolutely hate that.

DS is Dsis not Dson.

Yeah I meant my sister. Does that help clarify? Do apologise for confusion there Bust