I have a problem and I genuinely do not know what to do so I am hoping for some advice.
I am 32, expecting my first baby and do not live in the UK. I recently spent a week?s holiday at my parents? home and think I discovered my father is still having an affair we thought had ended almost a decade ago.
I arrived home last Thursday night while both parents were away (mum was due back late that night). The phone rang and I answered thinking it was my dad (we had just spoken but he?d lost reception) and just said ?yeah?.
A woman?s voice on the end of the line said: ?oh, hello, can I speak to dad?s name please??
Me: ?Sorry he?s away at the moment, who?s calling please??
Woman: ?Oh? this is Jane? Jane Donovan.?
I should point out here that Jane Donovan (obviously not her real name) is a very good family friend and I could tell almost straight away that it was not her voice.
Me: ?Oh, hi Jane!?
Woman: ?Who is this??
Me: ?It?s my RL name.?
And the phone went dead immediately.
I then called the real Jane Donovan at home to ask why the line went dead, and she said she had not called and had no idea what was going on (luckily I could blame it on prenatal baby brain). As I was speaking to her, I suddenly placed the original caller?s voice as the woman my father had an affair with 10 years ago.
My theory is that this woman called our house thinking my mum was still away and hoping to speak to dad. My parents have a student staying with them at the moment, so she obviously assumed it was her answering the phone but when she realised it was me, and that I would recognise her voice, she hung up.
I am devastated. When the original affair became known, my dad behaved appallingly. Mum tried everything to repair their marriage but dad simply refused counselling, moved bedroom, drank heavily and, it emerged a year later, continued the affair. He then said he would end it. Mum tried her best to understand why he had done it, blamed herself and adapted her behaviour to try and support and help him. And eventually, it seemed things were turning a corner. They both retired and went on long foreign trips together. They are now always busy doing things together and although dad is a difficult person, he always has been and I think mum has accepted that. Most importantly, she has seemed much happier in recent years.
I know face the unhappy choice of whether to tell my mum or not.
Towards the end of the week Dad came back from his trip and I could barely look at him, let alone speak civilly to him. Mum picked up on this and has told me off for behaving badly towards him. All I have said to her is that I don?t like the way he treats her sometimes. I can?t bring myself to tell her the truth and shatter her life all over again.
I would really appreciate some advice please.