Tell me I did the right thing

[Iconfess]

I know I did the right thing but I need support to stick with it. Marriage in the doldrums, email flirting with guy at work who makes me laugh so much, flirting reaches new heights and he effectively says 'how about it?' He has a partner and has said a long time ago in an unrelated conversation that he doesn't think she's 'the one' which is why I guess he feels ok to explore other options. I am married with three DCs and have too much to lose. Oh but it's so nice to feel that excitement - being wanted like that (and so flattering as he's ten years younger than me). It's all just fantasy land though isn't it? Real life is about the commitment to my family. I do know. I do know.

Is the thing you did saying no?

If so, then yes it's the right thing.

All the wrong things were all the flirty emails and peals of laughter in response to his witty repartee.

You have 3 kids. If your marriage is not right then work on that or agree to separate and work out how to parent the children.

Then flirt.

you did the right thing if you didn't do it - fyswim

He doesn't feel that she's 'the one'? But he's keeping her in tow until a better one comes along. Or he's keeping her as housekeeper while planning some no-strings sex with some girl at work. Nice guy, well worth risking your marriage and the happiness of your children for him then

Agree with schobe. It's the wrong order to get excited by another then question your marriage. But then if you were happy would you have exchanged such emails? Take it as a sign to sort your marriage out one way or another. For the sake of your DC's and your own happiness this needs attention, this other guy was just a symptom and a warning to sort your life out

Yes I meant the right thing was saying 'no' and setting him straight. I've been trying to sort my marriage out for a few years but DH is difficult. Haven't given up and will keep trying, but this is why I think I got pulled in to flirting - it was a release from the strains at home. I do believe in the commitment I have made and continue to work at it, but it's not always easy.

He's definitely out to get his leg over explore other options but you've got far too much to lose to be one of them. And a one night stand of them is all you'd be.

He's 10 years younger than you? No fool like an old fool.

Yes you did the right thing. The ripples of misery from affairs play out for years and affect so many more people than those two at the centre. But you know this-HURRAH! Now, what are you gonna do about that difficult DH?

Err Yuck the man's a total twat OP. I'd have wanted to slap his face if he came on to me.

Nows the time to take a look at your life and see what you think may be missing.

What am I going to do about that difficult DH...? Wish I knew! Anyone got the magic key to making a man better able to talk about emotional stuff? Just have to keep on trying, but it wears me down.

Sit him down OP and tell him. Some people don't talk but unless he's deaf he can hear you. Some people use actions instead so watch for improvement. If he does nothing, it's ultimatum time.

Joint counselling with Relate or similar. If he's resistant, make it a dealbreaker.

If my STBXH had told me has was unhappy , I would have suggested relate. He chose to walk out instead of talking to me.

BUT, he wAlked out after flirting with his best mates wife on text email and Facebook, behind his mates back and behind my back.

Our marriage is over now because of his infatuation with her, even though he won't admit to it.