Having a down day today need a hug

[loganberry12]

4 months since my ex H left some days are good others are horrid. I go from sad to happy angry to jealous i feel ive wasted 9 years of my life living a lie i feel so hurt today thinking of all the time he said he loved me when he couldnt have im 46 soon and really dont want to start all over again part of me still thinks in time he'll want to come back but why would i want him back after he treated me so bad, im so confused!!

Let me give you a big ((hug)). It sounds like he's an ex for a good reason.

Also - 46 is the new 36 :)

The grief attached to a break-up can be horribly drawn out. Took me about 2 years before I could really think about it all without feeling a stab of pain. It's that mismatch between wanting things to go back to normal in a world where things were safe, secure and he loved you ... knowing you can't go back because everything has changed ... and knowing that the safe secure world was smoke and mirrors anyway. It's extremely disorientating. No wonder you feel confused.

I don't really do hugs but have one anyway. :)

thanks ladies just having one of those hard days its always the day after he's been to collect the kids i see him and wish he'd say something just sorry would be nice but he acts so cool and like nothings happened

Its really hard isn't it Loganberry ((hug)) It makes you question everything you ever believed. Try not to ponder on the past too much, I feel much brighter when I look to the future rather than trying to figure out where it went wrong or wondering why he didn't love me enough. You know you don't really want him back, but he's all you've known for 9 years so of course it will take some getting used to.

As Cogito says, think of it like grief - the man you thought you were married to does not exist anymore, so in a way someone has died and the future you imagined for yourself has also died. That takes time to get over, but it doesn't mean you won't be absolutely fine and happy again in the future.

Don't think of it as starting again, its just a continuation of your life down a different path - you're not going back to the start, you're moving on with a whole load of experience to learn from. x

Oh god I know that feeling. You want to see him broken, realising what he's thrown away, but he just looks happy and relieved and well-rested from not having to be a parent for 5 or 6 days a week.

You have to try and cultivate that look too. Get dressed up and ready to go out when he calls for them. Have a fun night out with friends and pretty soon you won't care whether he notices or not, you'll be too busy enjoying yourself

My only saving grace is that I managed to squeeze an apology and some actual tears from my x robot H before he left, so now when I see the cool calm exterior I know that inside there are cracks and there will be in your X too, he's just better at hiding them than you are because he's a cold detached selfish twunt.

Now I just feel sorry for him most of the time, he's missing out on living with his DCs in MY lovely house, with a beautiful wife who doted on him, what a loser - try that, its very gratifying!

Another ((hug)) here.

Things are never a waste OP you only have to look at your lovely children to see that..

And remember things have to end for NEW begginnings to commence.

Onwards and upwards.

Just feel sorry for the poor person who gets lumbered with him next.

Coz you will have learned a lot and he would have learned jack shit

"Just feel sorry for the poor person who gets lumbered with him next"

You know, that's been the missing link for me. We didn't have any DC together so I literally have never seen my exH since the day he left. But I've heard a few things via the extended family grape-vine that all is well with his new family, nice set-up financially, two kids etc. Would I be a Bad Person to hope he's still a miserable piss-artist on the QT or that she chases him round the place with a frying pan? :)

Ah but no-one knows what goes on behind closed doors though Cogito

From the very little I ever heard about his new wife, I think the frying pan scenario is a pretty safe bet. He did have the kind of face you could hit all day and not get tired of.

yea the feeling is hard to get over, but hopefully you have good friends , family network around you try to go out and about EVEN when you dont feel like it , and sometimes the unexpected will happen and you will make new friends or reaquaint with the old ones , when the chips are down you know who your friends are BIG HUG to you take care it will get better.

Cogito

OP, 4 months is still so early and so raw - tbh if you're managing to feed, clothe and hug your kids, and hold it together for some of the day, then you're doing bloody brilliantly.

It does feel like a waste; it hasn't been of course, but that regret takes a long time to get over. What is so liberating though, is knowing that now you are free to concentrate on YOU and what you want from YOUR life. You no longer have to consider the needs of some selfish twat who doesn't deserve it.

On a lighter note, ever tried tenpin bowling? There's something very cathartic about putting all your strength into thumping a satisfyingly head-shaped object towards a distant target

i think i might be going bowling soon sounds like a wicked idea Monarch lol