Alienation!

[GrannieJ]

I joined after reading in the Guardian about a banned Fathers4Justice ad - which, I admit is, let's say angry. But, in the middle of a fractious court case - to gain access to my grandchildren, now consolidated with my son's fight for access to his children, let me tell you I understand how whoever created that ad feels. CAFCASS created a skewed (so said the judge) account of my and my son's interviews. It has cost my son, so far £20,000 over four hearings at which his partner 'remembered' past abuse. The children, alas, now believe that these groundless - no medical or police evidence, in fact the opposite - actually happened. Now. What do we do? Both likely results are odious. The children realise their mother is a liar, or the children are removed into their father's custody. Reluctantly if their thinking remains at it is. Does anyone have any similar experience? Whether it's father or mother child alienation, that might help?

Don't like to see a post unanswered so bumping for you.

This sounds a difficult and upsetting situation for all concerned. I take it you are saying that you think your GCs mum is making up these allegations of abuse?

Sorry i can't be of more help, but there are much wiser MNers than me here and i hope they will reply soon.

As someone who has suffered emotional abuse for years at the hands of a seemingly very calm and charming man, I am just saying no-one knows what goes on behind closed doors. Not even his parents. You may have private misgivings about what has happened, but YOU DO NOT KNOW - only the couple themselves know what went on and even their versions of 'reality' will be different. No medical or police evidence means nothing.

I feel sorry for you and hope the situation is resolved in the best interests of the children. It is only their rights which should have any bearing here. Calling their mother a liar will not help your cause.

I quite agree with doingitformyself

My XH was very abusive to me, both emotionally and financially, but to his family he literally walks on water. When we split up, people were shocked as no one realised we had any issues in our relationship. No one can ever possibly know what goes on in a relationship, but from experience, most people with children will not split up without a good reason. And I told NO ONE about the abuse he inflicted on me. That I believe is quite typical of an abusive relationship. It is all behind closed doors.

Now why would you want your GC "removed into their father's custody", or for them to think " their mother is a liar". Surely, you don't want them harmed emotionally? Which is what would happen with either result. How can it be of any benefit? Both those results are not the same as their father seeing them. Do you have evidence that they know what is going on. My XH is convinced that I say horrible things about him to our children, but quite the opposite, every day when he comes up in conversation, I tell the children how much he loves them and leave it at that.