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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I do or say anything?

6 replies

BertieBotts · 05/07/2012 10:09

I have a 16 year old facebook friend who sometimes posts that her mum has called her things like a "stupid cow" and a "silly little bitch" and thrown her phone across the floor. On the last comment thread she said "See, this is why I want to move out", but obviously in the current economic climate it's unlikely she'll be able to until she's 18 or older. She doesn't want to go to university (although I wonder how much this is her parents telling her not to bother)

I want to say something along the lines of "You know this isn't right, don't you, she doesn't actually have the right to speak to you that way" - however - this is where the awkwardness comes in, she's actually my ex's sister, I have her on facebook so that she can see photos of DS (her nephew) and sometimes we go over there so that DS can see his aunt and grandparents, since XP doesn't see him any more.

I've also witnessed stuff like when she was choosing her A level options, she wanted to do photography and her dad was saying "No, you're not doing it, what do you want to do that for?" and when she was thinking of applying to a childcare course at the local college they rubbished that too saying it would just be a repeat of what she'd already done (it wouldn't - it's a good course, with good placements). I think she's got her head screwed on but it worries and upsets me that her parents are like this with her. I can't support her in any physical way but I just wondered if it would be a good idea to let her know I think she's great and she should follow her dreams and not worry about what her parents say, or whether that would be a bad idea?

OP posts:
MissFaversam · 05/07/2012 10:14

Nothing wrong with you private messaging her a bit of encouragement OP. But other than that I'd stay out of it.

oldwomaninashoe · 05/07/2012 10:28

Stay out of it!
Teenagers can be very dramatic (and hormonal) I would take everything that you read with a pinch of salt.

Without knowing in depth the details of the various courses shes wanting to take you cannot comment, I wouls assume that her parents have her best interests at heart when it comes to her future, and more idea than she has about future job prospects.

Don't get involved ,just give the occasional encouraging message.

MonkeyRisotto · 05/07/2012 10:31

I have a good friend whose parents were like this, and even now in her thirties, it affects her.

I would encourage you to offer some support - is she close enough that you could invite her round for a cuppa on a regular basis? A sanctuary where she knows she's supported and welcome?

KatherineKavanagh · 05/07/2012 10:35

I'd also say keep out of it.....what you see on Facebook is a snapshot.

HairyGrotter · 05/07/2012 10:38

I'm with the 'stay out of it' clan. I used to exaggerate wildly when I was a teenager, would say allsorts to garner attention, my mum was just doing her best!

BertieBotts · 05/07/2012 11:05

I was there in the house when they were looking at the course brochures - and if she doesn't want to go to uni then A Levels aren't the best route generally. And as I've said I had friends who did the course she was looking at taking. But anyway.

Thanks, I don't think it would be appropriate for me to swoop in and become some kind of rescuer, but I might send her a message or something.

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