Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

mug stamped across my head?

7 replies

Zacsmum80 · 04/07/2012 22:01

Sorry its more of am essay....
I was with my ex for 15 months on and off. During that time he has never really committed to me in anyway.
First few months were great, went out lots and had fun but things started to go down hill pretty quickly.
He started cancelling every other date we had, reasons varied from he was tired, had a bad day and wouldn't be good company, had to have his daughter for a week as his ex was poorly, his dad (who lived with him through illness) was poorly and he couldn't leave him. After a few cancellations I ended things but he managed to convince me to meet up and talk he told me some really personal stuff about his life and why he kept cancelling. I agreed to be more understanding and let things go.
He began cancelling more and more but I let things go because I believed him when he said he loved me.
I was very insecure with myself and him. I had it in my head he may have been with someone because he wouldn't invite me to his house. He did once ask me to meet his daughter but I thought it was too soon for me, I wasn't ready. When I was ready he said he didn't think we were in a good place at that time. I seen it as more excuses.
More recently I found out I was pregnant, I had to tell him by text because he wouldn't come round and couldn't answer the phone as was at work. Took him 5 days to visit me. In that visit he told me to have abortion or find someone to be my babys daddy.
During the next 12 weeks we didn't see each other, just texts where we both got very angry. I had decided to keep my baby.
First weekend in June we decided to put our differences aside and sort out our relationship. Days later at 20 weeks pregnant, I found out my baby had died inside me. I was beside myself with grief and hurt. Had to be induced, go thru labour and give birth to our dead son. He was nowhere to be seen although he promised to be there and support me. He did come to hospital to see me later that night and broke down about our baby and how guilty he felt about the way he tried to bury his head in the sand and the way he treated me.I thought we had a very open and honest discussion and maybe after all the heartache we may have a chance to work it out and have a happy ending.
That was 3 weeks ago and I haven't seen him since. A text now and again where we end up at each other.
I feel like the worlds biggest mug for ever trusting him. I just don't know how someone can make a tragic situation even worse with his false promises and false hope he gave me. I never thought someone could be so cruel in such a traumatic time.
I will never understand men!

OP posts:
Babylon1 · 04/07/2012 22:06

I'm so sorry for your loss, that must be heartbreaking Sad

As for him, I think you've had a lucky escape from him tbh. I'm certain you can and will do much better for yourself than the selfish twunt you've been saddled with Sad

TheHappyHissy · 04/07/2012 22:11

Oh love, you have been through hell! (((HUG)))

He's not actually cruel per se, he is merely totally and utterly morally and spiritually defective. incapable of having a normal relationship with anyone other than himself.

If there is ANY positive to be gleaned from this, it's that you need never EVER have anything more to to with him again.

He has let you down abominably. That is unforgivable. Just let him go, heal your wounds, cry your tears, keep posting on here, and we will help you back onto your feet, one day at a time.

TheHappyHissy · 04/07/2012 22:13

Oh, and we are never MUGS for trusting people, it is a fabulous quality to have faith in others...

HE is the MUG for blowing it, letting you down and showing the world what a total arsewipe he really is.

ALL of this is about HIM and HIS rank stupidity, it's no reflection on you whatsoever. HE chose to do this, you tried everything in your power to help him to be a human being, he BLEW IT!

Opentooffers · 04/07/2012 22:20

They are not all bastards, but you seem to have met a prise one unfortunately. You will learn from the experience and be less trusting in future no doubt. Very hard to do, but probably best to avoid contact with him. He's showing that he was only going to consider giving it another go because you were pregnant. That's not a healthy reason to be together. Many couples who stay together 'just for the kids' end up being miserable and that's after years of being together usually, starting out a relationship that way is a hiding to nothing. I hope that one day you will find someone who treats you with far more respect than he has. If someone starts regularly breaking dates when they didn't need to previously, it's not a good sign. I wonder if you ever had proof of his 'hard circumstances'.
Most likely he knows what a twunt he is and they were tears of guilt. Take care, I hope you find a way to move on from what this shit has done.

Midwife99 · 04/07/2012 22:22

So sorry for what you have been through but never ever ever answer a text from or see him again. He is a spineless heartless twunt. Angry

GetOrfMoiiLand · 04/07/2012 22:25

oh blimey that is awful - I am so sorry you had to go through all that alone.

But take one good thing from this - yoiu know what he is like. He is telling you what he is like. Listen to him. He is completely worthless and not worth a moment of your time. Please don't listen to his appalling excuses again. You are worth more than the crumbs of comfort he is willing to offer you.

Zacsmum80 · 04/07/2012 22:31

Thanks ladies. Its good to hear other peoples unbiased views. My friends and family can't stand him and most haven't even met him. I felt like I was his dirty little secret.
opentoooffers No I had no evidence. I never met his poorly father or any of his family. Maybe cause it were all bull so he couldn't introduce me to them. They don't even know they had a grandchild on the way or that he died.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page