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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is my marriage falling apart - advice really needed

7 replies

slipperandpjsmum · 04/07/2012 19:43

Three of my children are changing schools in sept so there is loads of transition stuff going on at the moment. I work ft and there is quite alot of pressure in my role. I have been negotiating my hours to ensure I attend all additional transition events. When my dh came in tonight I explained I was worried about next year keeping track on three different education provisions and all that goes with it. He replied there would be no problem the hols would be the same and I was just looking for problems.

An argument started. There have been a number of issues between us lately and this was the trigger. When he comes in from work he always seems in a bad mood, endlessly moans at dcs for what they haven't done, never comments when they do something they should, we watch tv in bed and don't speak I ask about his day and he says nothings happened. Last night he was texting a friend about what we were watching on tv - why can't you talk to me instead of texting a friend about it I asked. He seems to disagree with everything I say and now I don't tell him everything that happens although I do still talk about my day etc.

I am so fed up. I am far from perfect. But it seems like he really doesn't give a shit about our relationship. I have tried and tried to talk to him and asked if hes unhappy and what can we do about it but he says nothing is wrong.

My heart sinks when I hear his car pull up, its like the arrival of a little black rain cloud.

Could anyone offer some perspective and thoughts on our current situation because I feel lost in our relationship - please be gentle!

OP posts:
Shenanagins · 04/07/2012 19:56

Sorry to hear about your problem. Is he under stress at work which could be impacting his personal life?

You could try saying to him that you need to talk and set aside a specific time to do so in order that he is prepared and doesn't feel like he has been caught off-guard.

Failing that maybe try texting him to explain how you feel in the hope that will open up the conversation.

dondon33 · 04/07/2012 20:04

Has he always been like this with you and the DC or is it something new?

Why would he text a friend to tell them what you were watching in bed??

slipperandpjsmum · 04/07/2012 20:04

Thanks Shenanagnis No hes under no pressure at work.

I texted yesterday saying I really wanted to sort things out and could we talk that night but when I got in at around 8 from work he said he was tired and everytime I said something he replied yes or no so I gave up.

I did actually text last night whilst we were in bed together asking any chance of a chat!! Smile

OP posts:
slipperandpjsmum · 04/07/2012 20:10

dondon Hes never been the life and soul kind of person and quite negative but things have got worst.

He texted his friend saying are you watching ITV or whatever it was 'its quite good' but yes why text a friend when I am right there!!

OP posts:
izzyizin · 04/07/2012 20:11

If your marriage is going to last you need joint counselling - and lots of it.

Make it a dealbreaker; if he doesn't agree to attend Relate or similar sessions he can pack his bags and go give others the dubious pleasure of his company.

I have no doubt that you and your dc will be much happier without him sucking the joy out of your lives.

dondon33 · 04/07/2012 20:24

He doesn't sound like a happy guy and if he was always a bit of a misery then I really feel for you that he's getting worse.

The text still seems weird to me..... TV time in bed, for me, is about relaxing and cuddling up with the OH NOT being concerned if my mates are watching the same programme.

Good advice from Izzy^
I also feel that you and DC will be happier without him.... That's not normal for you to feel like a bloody black rain cloud is approaching when he comes home.

Speak to him, be blunt and honest about how you feel and what you want also ask what would make him happier and see what happens. By the sound of it, as he has previously fobbed you off, you'll have to push him and show him you mean business.

Godd luck xx

Shenanagins · 04/07/2012 21:46

Agree that counselling could help so give it a try. you could try to get him to talk in a neutral place with no distractions - difficult if there are children around though.

have you told him exactly how you feel as that might get a reaction.

i hope you get it sorted somehow.

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