New partner - condoms....

[theendishere]

Been seeing someone for a few weeks. Turns out he is totally turned off by condoms, (he had tried to use them, and basically couldnt perform!)and I won't do anything without...
Really, really like him but don't know what to do. Have suggested getting tested and he said he'll look into it but feel slighty ott in asking this.
AIBU?

Well done, the end

No sure so the test is enough at this stage as i woulfn't know at this satge if he is seeing other people...

That's your problem OP. It's a big risk saying you'll go condom free with someone you've just met. It would put me off unfortunately :( but hope it works out for you. Does he seem trustworthy?

I think it's a massive risk and one I wouldn't take unless I had known the person in question for a very long time and trusted him, well, with my life ultimately.

Don't make any rash decisions,OP.

Yes, think i will worry without the condoms. It's good he's booked a test but how do i know what he's up to when hes not with me..
Guess i should probably tell him not to bother with the test and it has to be condoms or the end..
I just can't risk getting anything..

Why are you thinking he's cheating on you? If thats the case, why would you sleep with him even if he IS wearing a condom? I personally wouldn't sleep with a person I didn't trust.

I don't think he is cheating at all, just worried about the whole thing...
should a test be enough? Lots of people don't use condom and don't have tests. Before stbx i didn't insist of them at all

He's agreed to be tested - if you now think you can't risk sleeping with him because of what he might be doing when he's not with you then the bigger problem is your lack of trust than his antipathy to condoms.

On condoms, as a circumcised man they reduce my sensation to almost nothing. That said, in last two relationships we had months of crap sex with me wearing condom before partners decided we should stop with them. I don't think a man has a right to refuse condoms regardless of how much it reduces sensation.

It's great he's getting tested. Problems though are, 1. New HIV infection can not show up for 3-6 months. 2 if he sleeps with anyone else after the test he might as well not have bothered (with the tests). I have slept with a lot of people. A lot. Only 2 without condoms, my first (he got tested, I was too trusting). And DH. We were engaged and we both got tested. Anyone else who tried it on without was told we'd use one or he could do one.

On a practical level, a snug fitting brand and you putting it on for him, maybe with your mouth, can help. Also, if you can orgasm before he goes in, and get him prettying close to orgasm before he goes in that can help. A couple of successful performances does wonders for man's confidence and may overcome the psychological problem. Can work for other kinds of erectile dysfunction too.

No idea what to do tbh. I don't want to stop seeing him but this issue is v difficicult. just googled it and it seems that the maority in their 30's and 40's don;t use condoms compared the a large majority of yonnger people...

It's not a case of not trusting him, more a case of do you know him well enough to trust his word? He has to understand that going condom free is a big deal and comes with certain responsibilities. You should be able to gauge if he understands that or not by spending time with him.

When I was 55 and had a new boyfriend I took myself off for a sexual health test as my previous boyfriend had cheated on me. My new boyfriend offered to do the same thing so that we both knew that we were 'clean'. When you are older you are more aware of the risks.