Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So sad .....

8 replies

NoSatisfaction · 04/07/2012 00:37

This is not a question....just needed to tell somebody...

ExH left me for OW. I fought and fought to save the marriage but he would not stay away from her. So much happened that we haven't seen each other for a few years. His family hate me, my family hate him.

Tonight I met with him to discuss DC. He is a mess. A shadow of the man I once loved. I was actually shocked. He's aged so much and looks absolutely depressed.

I always thought I would get a sense of satisfaction from this, but I didn't. I just can't sleep for thinking what a tragic waste it is. He's still with OW and they have a child but live apart because their relationship is so bad. I've moved on to bigger and better things.

If you are reading this and having an affair, think about this; if you love somebody that much, why would you want to see them destroy their life in this way?

He told me he still loves me, I'm not fooled, if he loved me he would not have left me and our DC. He tried to kiss me, all I thought was, wow, how true it is, if they will cheat with you, they will cheat on you.

OP posts:
howdoo · 04/07/2012 00:49

So sorry. But he CHOSE this. And you are, as you say, on to bigger and better things. Some people are incredibly selfish and lacking in self knowledge.

It is not a tragic waste, he is just an idiot.

Original poster
NoSatisfaction · 04/07/2012 00:53

Sorry maybe I never made it clear. A tragic waste of our marriage. Not him, he deserves everything he got.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/07/2012 07:30

Not everyone that leaves a marriage for someone new ends up a shadow of their former self. Some are very happy and go on to enjoy their new life. Any relationship break-up can often make the preceding years feel like a waste of time. Doesn't have to be an affair involved for that. People can be very cruel to each other without there being anyone else involved. You have some DC out of the experience, however, so it can't have been a total write-off.

lolaflores · 04/07/2012 08:34

Yeah, fair enough, perhaps he deserves a bit of pity but keep your compassion for those that need it. Mind you if you have had kids with someone there will always be that connection, shared something.
However, success is the best revenge. Maybe this man is doomed to relationship failure? Who knows but sounds like he did you a favour. I know my ex did and I went on to much better things because his oppressive presence was gone from my life.

The silly fool

PostBellumBugsy · 04/07/2012 08:57

I understand NoSatisfaction. It is a grieving process. Yes, you've moved on & you are happy & content in your new life without him, but every now & then you still mourn the loss of what your marriage should have been.

wfhmumoftwo · 04/07/2012 10:18

sounds like my sisters exDH. He left her for a woman 10 years younger, when my sisters kids were 10 and 5. He said he didn't want to be tied down to a family life! He left her skint and struggling while he was off flashing the cash with his new bit of stuff.....fast forward 10 years, my sister has a great new DH who loves her and has always treated the kids like his own, she looks fab (lost weight etc) and her kids are 15 and 20 now so she is not 'tied down' to them. He on the other hand is still with the OW who checks up on him all the time, controls their money and gives him pocket money, constantly checks his phone and rings him all the time, and he has a 6 year old and a 3 year old (when he never wanted more children)! I should feel sorry for him but i dont. He deserves everything he gets and more. He often says he regrets ending up like this but he should have thought of that BEFORE he had an affair and completely messed up his kids lives.
I think its ok for you to feel pity for the guy cos you once loved him, but he made his choices. You have moved on, and well done for doing so. Do not be drawn into his life and sob story! I personally don't believe in feelilng sad for what could have been as that reality doesn;t exist.

You sound like a remarkable woman to get through it

Original poster
NoSatisfaction · 04/07/2012 12:27

Please don't anybody think I'm generalising or judging. All I am saying is that if you are so unhappy in a marriage for whatever reason, then leave before it causes the absolute devastation that this affair did to a lot of people.

Life is not simple sometimes.

I won't be sucked in by feeling sorry for my exH, he's made his bed and has to lie in it. Yes there will probably always be feelings there as he gave me my DC who are my absolute world, but I have discovered that I'm far happier without his issues and have come too far to throw it all away.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 04/07/2012 14:45

Good for you x

New posts on this thread. Refresh page