its all falling apart

[curlywhirl]

Relationship with dh has always been a bit of a tempest.I can be quite volatile and he with draws affection, and is HIGHLY CRITICAL of me .I am so so worn down from our escalating arguments.In the past I have been violent towards him..Like when he came home at 6 am with no warning.I am not proud of this. More recently,in arguments he has begun to twist my arm behind my back.

I asked him to leave this morning after he twisted my arm.after some stupid argument about the school uniform.The kids could hear everything.I dont want to be responsible for breaking up my family and feel so torn.I feel guilty because I am rubbish at keeping home tidy and hate him for constantly pointing the finger at me .I am torn and dont know wht to do.
He says he is tired of me telling him to leave( I have done so on several/ many occasions)...I am also tired of telling him to leave.I always give it another go.I want my kids to have family.It all feels so toxic.

Any advice ?

Please.

Try & stick with your decision from this morning, at least for a couple of weeks. Will do you both good to get some space and think about what you want. You don't say how old your dc are but you know this environment isn't good for them.

dc 5 and 1

It feels toxic because it is toxic.

Your dc don't deserve to be raised in a toxic environment merely because you hold the erroneous notion that living with 2 warring parents will be better for them than dividing their time between separated parents who love them but who have little love for each other.

The level of violence you are engaging in can only escalate. Either arrange marriage counselling with Relate or similar, or end your marriage.

Do you think you could be depressed- I say this because this sounded like me for a whole year and then I went to doctors- needless to say I was given medication after being told I was depressed. Now, I don't get bogged down with pathetic arguments and we are at each others throats a lot less

Even if the op was depressed and not able to pick her battles this bastard is twisting her arm back when they argue! He will only get worse and the OP really does need to leave the bastard.

She is also violent to him, so would they both be bastards?
Op you and your dp may or may not be depressed. But this is a toxic relationship and is not good for the dcs.
I really think a split would be better. Good luck.