I can't stop intensly fantasising about a bloke that i've never even spoken to!!

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Hi everyone!

I've lived in this area since I was a child(28 now) and for some reason, I always knew of this man, but never really knew him to talk to. Different ages and circles I guess.

He first turned my head when I was about 12 or 13 I know, that's pretty young, but I guess that's the age when you start having fantasies. He was probably about 20 and I thought he just gorgeous! All my friends were putting posters on their wall of Paul Nichols or Abs from 5ive pretty boys I suppose, but this guy was anything but pretty. I liked the fact he was so rough and ready looking. He seemed intelligent and was a local farmer who drove/drives a landrover and was/is always covered in mud. He has longish hair which is always messy and put back in a ponytail. I hate ponytails!!!! But for some reason he can get away with it.

I saw him again this morning and I realised that everytime I see him around, I get this electric feeling, that if i'm being completely honest, i've never had before. Not even with DP I see him catching my eye and I get the impression he's attracted to me too.

I've never had such an intense and longing fantasy. Everytime I see him, I can't stop thinking about him for days afterwards. All I want to do is drive up to his farm house and...............well, i'm sure you get where i'm going.

As i've said, i'm not single, but i'm starting to become obsessed with this idea. I've never felt like this before. As pathetic as that may sound, it's the truth. Don't get me wrong, I find other people attractive all the time, but that's it. It may even turn into a little innocent fantasy, but that's where it stays.

Obviously, I still haven't done anything about it, but just wondered if anyone could relate?

Am I a bad person for letting myself feel like this?

Sorry for sounding so utterly pathetic, but it's messing with my head!!

Thanks for reading

SPsFanjoLovesRussellHoward Im with you on that one :) its more exciting ;)

itsthe I live in Nottingham. Chances are pretty remote, but imagine if you knew him What if he really is some kind of sexual dynamo that has heaps of women under his spell! Actually, that's what it feels like. I feel like i've drunk some kind of bright red lust postion everytime I see him. Once he brushed passed me to get to the bar in our pub and said "excuse me lovely, can I get past you?" whilst looking right into my eyes with these kind of 'I want you now' eyes. Could just be me reading something into it, but I got the impression that he fancies meAnyway, I nearly dropped my drink cos my arms went a little numb. My hearts thumping just thinking about it.

There is no real difference between fantasizing about a man you see in the flesh and fantasizing about Johnny Depp/Edward Cullen/[insert name of sleb/fictional character of choice]. The unsuitability/unattainability of these men (because they are either uninterested in you, unavailable or utterly unsuitable) means that you are not, for whatever reason, interested in a real relationship or shag right now. Nothing could live up to the fantasies, so your mind is focussing on fantasies that aren't feasible to act out.

I recently had a crush like this and posted at tedious length on MN about it. The man in question was/is a nice chap as well as being good looking IMO, friendly and a bit flirty with it. However the flirtiness I think was generalized; he's in a band - and is a lot younger than me and also married. I had all these obsessive fantasies about him, and then didn't see him for a while (on tour with band) and the next time I saw him it was all a bit 'meh'. Well, not exactly, I am still a fan in that the band are great, and he is still a nice chap who I am happy to say hello to, but I am no longer bothered about what he might be wearing underneath his strides.

solid, what do you think happened to change your feelings towards him? What do you think it was that you were so attracted to in the beginning? Or are you like me and just can't put your finger on it.

I have to be honest, this doesn't just feel like a crush. It feels like something i've only ever felt for him. Cringe I know!!! I'm just not the soppy soppy type atall and like I say, I don't know if it's love that I feel towards him or what!! I don't know what it is, but I just can't explain it!

Thinking about it, this isn't the first time i've felt huge sexual chemistry with someone I don't know very well and who isn't and isn't going to be a boyfriend. And that was full of intensity, but it still wasn't the same. I guess this other guy was similar in the sense that he was also a little rough round the edges, had a really deep voice and just kind of oozed sexual magnatism. He was actually a friend of dp's and eventually I stopped going out when I knew he'd be there because the feeling was mutual. So my point is, i'm used to having similar lustful feelings, but not the extent where i'm actually quite upset that it may never happen. It's not just frustration, i'm actually quite heartbroken because I know(assuming me and dp stay together) it will never happen.

Oh god, this could be me posting I am suffering with a huge crush on a teacher at DS's school.

So many things about him are unsuitable/ things I don't like, but I just can't stop thinking about him.
I am married, things not so good, just ticking along.

I know what morning he does playground duty, and rush to make sure we are on time for school that day and get to walk past and get a smile and good morning from him. This has been going on for about a year. But I think I pushed my flirty looks (sad teenage moments of looking back ) too far because he 'caught me looking' and is ignoring me now!! soooooo embarrassed.
I am trying to stop liking him.
But I saw him at the weekend in 'home clothes' and... his bum in jeans! sigh

Like all 'feelings' it's only a problem when there's a problem. Most people might have an idle, unimportant bit of a fantasy about someone or other because TBH no-one is biologially, evolutionarily PROGRAMMED to pick one life partner and never ever percieve anyone else as attractive ever again. So happily married people have a moment or two over [sleb] or [aquaintance/local tradesperson] and just shrug and roll with it and forget about it. Single people with consuming, obsessive fantasies possibly need to consider seeking out a new partner or FWB; your subconscious is basically saying 'How about a shag, then?'. People in officially monogamous relationships with powerful, persistent fantasies that they can't discuss/laugh about with the official Partner might need to think about what's missing in the existing relationship; do you need to carve out a bit of fun couple time outside of the general grind of chores, work and childcare? Or is there something more serious wrong with your relationship?

solid, to be perfectly frank, I really don't know. We've always had problems and in a way, we've always known we clash, but the love has always been there and obviously when you have DC's you can't just walk away because you don't get that jolt everytime you look at each other. He asks me reguarly if I actually fancy him anymore and my(lame) answer is "sometimes". I know it hurts him, but it would be wrong of me to completely lie and say "yes, I fancy the pants off you!!" It makes me feel even more guilty because I know he still thinks of me in the same way he did when we first got together. So I suppose yes, you could say that the problem is quite serious. It's not a case of just looking for a bit of excitment because i've felt like this about this other bloke since before I was even a teenager.

cause - sorry just read you have kids and wouldn't be so flippant if I knew that obviously. Nevertheless like everyone says you probably wouldn't like your crush as much if you got to know him a bit so might be good to try and chat and get bored of him if you get the chance. or avoid him at all costs and try to forget him :0(

What I find interesting is why does this happen? It happened to me and lot of my friends have had a similar experience at some point. In almost all cases it was someone who could not be more different from our DPs. Also looking back, there was no way I would have left DH and I believe that I was happy in my relationship (still am) and there are no complaints in the bedroom department.

It is pure lust and at no time, would I have been interested in a relationship with the other person. It went on for months, it is someone I know and I could get really moody if I knew that I was not going to see him for a few days. I still see him sometimes and some days I can not work out why I felt that way about him and other times I still get that "shall we do it here and now feeling" however, I think I'm slowly getting over it...or so do I keep telling myself.

My husband was (is?) my best friend, then I fell in love with him. We make a good team and he is a great dad. But. I do often wonder what it is like to be in a relationship with someone who you just fancy so so much. It is something I have never experienced.
I think our marriage could be at the end of the line. However I want to base that decision on reality not my delusions of a perfect crush.
Just like you Jinx I get so moody when I don't see him/ and when I do.
6 weeks of summer might help - no school Then prehaps I will have a clear head.
This too shall pass!!!

When DH and I met we could not keep our hands of each other and I would say that things are still pretty good, when we are not too exhausted that is. I think the difference was that when I met DH I wanted to be with him, do stuff together etc... I never had that feeling with the other guy. I was only after one thing.

I tried to avoid him where I could and the feeling subsided. In fact when I first saw him again I could not understand what ever came over me and now I'm ok with him most of the time. It is only sometimes that I feel an itch that I really want to scratch... There is no doubt in my mind that the fantasy is better than the real thing and I would never cheat on DH

I wish I could understand what is happening in head. For now I'm just grateful that the person in question has no clue. At least I can smile at him and think if only he knew....