Its not Friday and I havent been reading Fifty Shades...

[MillyMack]

But YES this is a kinky sex thread, so please look away now if:

a) you don't want to hear about my problems
b) you are of a faint-hearted nature
c) you are just going to rip the piss AIBU-stylee

(Disclaimer: I am not a hairy trucker, bored teenage boy etc. Been her since 2004 under a different name - 'naice' ham, pirate sex, cod, antipasti, pombears, Mouldies etc).

OK, so...been married 12 yrs. Love DH to bits, he's a lovely man and terrific husband. We have an active, adventurous sex life, which suffered for a few years when our kids were little, but is pretty much back on track now.

I have always had submissive tendencies in my sexual relationships, or so I thought. To cut a long story short, after lots of reflection in the last year or so, I realise that I am actually probably quite seriously 'Domme'. I wont go into details as I don't want to put anyone off their morning coffee and biscuits .

I have been researching the whole BDSM 'scene' and have arranged to have dinner with DH to discuss possibly exploring this all a bit more with him. He is pretty open minded and I think he will be up for it.

My questions are:

1. Is this just a really BAD idea? Can a happy, healthy marriage co-exist with getting deeper into the BDSM scene? I dont want to have sex with anyone else by the way, so this isnt just some cheap ploy to swing...

2. Is there any other relatively normal 'Mum' here who is into this? Am I a complete and utter freak?

Anyone who is involved in the whole BDSM /fetish scene...would be very interested to hear from you.

That is all. Back to This Morning and a nice cuppa

Bumping as didn't want it to go unanswered, I've got no experience of bdsm but if two adults are consenting and interested - why not?!

Lol at refs. In sure I'm delighted to be linked with bsdm. (which iPhone changes to badminton!!)

;)

A few months back we visited friends in The Netherlands, had a romantic night in Delft and spent a night in an apartment with all kinds of dungeon like equipment after having a really nice pizza. The next day we drank coffee by the canal and discussed our plans for the garden.

I don't see being tied up as incompatible with having a discussion with DSS1's SENCO, taking the boys to the park and other normal mum things that occupy my time because we keep it in the bedroom.

Have you been on the literotica forums? There are loads of mums on there, or at least there used to be when I'd frequent them!

I would say if your husband has an open mind or shows interest then start with the basic things and go from there. Why not!

1. Not a bad idea, it's a very good one
2. Not a mum, but i know a few mums who are into this

Big decision will be whether to get into the scene or just do your own thing. By 'get into' I mean meet others with similar interests. The meets don't necessarily mean participation with those others.

Am horrified that BDSM gets autocorrected to badminton!

Not into it myself but have a strange voyeuristic fascination with it (I'd be into the whole dominatrix thing without the sex, if that makes sense) and until someone who knows more comes along I will just say that if you do get into it, make sure you have some kind of code word for stopping if it gets too out of hand for enjoyment. Just in case. And apart from that, if you're both agreeable, why not?

Thanks for all your replies, greatly appreciated.

Yogii, yes that is the big decision.. the appeal of the club scene / party scene for me is being in the environment, which would provide brilliant mental/imaginative stimulation for me...which is so much part of sex, isnt it? I am also drawn to maybe the Dominatrix thing without having sex with other men, if that makes sense (as mentioned by Thumbwitch)?

I will check out Literotica, Grass.

I suppose I just want to take it slow and explore this side of things...but not sure where to start....

Mental/imaginative is a huge part of sex, it's 90%+ of sex with the BDSM element, IMO. Proof of that I suppose is how many men (the subbie boys) like to participate in sex-free games, it's mostly the mental stimulation for them. Well I guess so, I'm on your side of the 'dynamic', where for me it's 90%+ mental too.

The Domina thing sex-free is the bigger part of the scene I believe. The big problem for you is the DH, you'll get lots of attention!

Check out Informed Consent (didn't post a link because I am not sure about MN rules on doing so). Active forum there.

Thanks Yogi. Great website, has answered some of my questions already

I feel there's something I must add...

Think carefully and watch DH's reaction closely. Go into it only if you are sure he's going to be along for the journey. The reason I say this: once switched from vanilla to D/s going back can be a very hard thing to do. Without the D/s element sex seems rather... dull and pointless to me.

A couple taking steps into it should both get out together as soon as either one has any doubts. The question is, when that happens, is it too late for one of them.

Beware.

Could do with somewhere to discuss such subject matter (for example, those finding themselves attracted to lovely ladies have The Turning Tavern). I've wanted to start a similar thread for such things. I'm not sure about posting on Informed Consent but was worried of being accused of being on study leave so not posted a thread - so thank you.

I'm not sure if Fifty Shades is really opening it up to new people and going to try not to judge anyone who comes to BDSM through those books just because I.WAS.INTO.IT.BEFORE. we all start somewhere...

I would LOVE to have a smaller, more manageable place to discuss this with grown women@Anastasia.

I was also INTO.IT.BEFORE btw lol

I wouldn't be sure where to put it or how to start the discussion though...

Reading 'Newbie needs advice Dominance/submission' thread from earlier makes me think could be useful from all angles. Bit worrying that some twats are going to use 50 Shades in an unsavoury way.

Now MillyMack, would it be a dungeon or a red room?

ANother vote for Informed Consent (though it has the same proportion of idiots, walking egos, nutjobs and gobshites as any other forum). Whereabouts in the UK are you based, OP? If you are anywhere near London PM me as there is an event on Sunday that you might like.

collarme.com has its moments on the forums, same issues as IC though.