DH doesn't fancy me any more - need tips

[tt7488]

So our sex life isn't really the problem. Its the getting to it that is. When we have sex it is really great but DH just seems less interested these days. I think he is totally jaded by the sight of me naked and just doesn't get a thrill out of it any more. Body a bit child ravaged but its still OK (I think!). I'm worried that he doesn't see me as 'sexual' any more (sorry totally gross way of putting it!) Does anyone have any good advice? I don't mean actual sex tips but things like being sure to have bikini waxes (started getting Brazilians recently which seem to be appreciated) or things that might make him excited by me without being totally outrageous. Help!

Pedigree very good points and interesting post. l too as in above novel post am possibly guilty of concentrating on body image rather than 'whole person' image.

I have never, ever, seen a thread where women are advising a man to rip his pubes out to make himself more attractive to a woman.
Trying to get your self esteem from others rarely works , no matter how often someone tells you how gorgeous / sexy you are, unless you feel 'good enough' inside, you don't belive it. If you want to improve the way you look, do it for yourself, inner confidence is what matters, not looking like a porn star - if that's what a man wants , he's not worth having.

Malificence l agree with everything you say.
That's what l was trying to say - but much less coherently . No matter how often my DH says to me 'you look gorgeous,fantastic,sexy' l always think 'Liar' !

yes amillionyears once you get that pea in your brain that something is wrong that silly little pea will just keep on a rattling around regardless of the facts .

Definitely don't get a Brazillian or sexy underwear and parade around hoping he'll notice. He's likely to carry on being rather uninterested and you will feel rejected and crap and unsexy.

Much better to have a conversation. Given you say the quality is high (!), he may be happy with the frequency, he might think once every week or two is just fine, whereas you might think three times a week is a bit sparse. He might be feeling a bit off-colour, worried or depressed and not that up for it. Who knows until you ask. This can only be solved by talking and coming to some mutual decisions about how to make things even better. You have a great starting point 'darling, I love having sex with you so much, I sometimes feel like it even more often'. Even if he's not that keen, he will be flattered and it's a place to start the conversation.

By the way, I am not against Brazillians and sexy underwear, and if you'd like to use these things, why not? It could be fun for you. But I think it's very unlikely they will suddenly stimulate his interest, and it could end up making you feel worse, so only do that if you find it enjoyable for yourself and perhaps makes you feel a bit sexy. I also agree with whoever said this is not about sex, but intimacy. Try being a bit flirty, having fun with your partner, go for dinner. This recognition of each other as not just parents is likely to have more effect than exotic underwear.

good example - this morning my DH left me a note near the kettle (he knows that's first place l head ) which is something he always does if he's got up before me. It said the usual stuff about whether he had fed the cat etc etc and at the end was signed 'Love 'DHsfirstname' .
Now usually he puts 'I Love you' or 'Love you lots' and then signs it as above.

I really had to fight that little pea from starting its journey around my stupid head. I managed to beat it today and had a stern word with myself - as in 'He was probably in a rush you silly cow'. But on a bad day the pea would run amok. [pathetic]

sorry that was to amillionyears post

Mali, no one told the OP to get the Brazilian, she did that herself. If something makes you feel more sexy and confident inside then it will show through and that can be very attractive. I quite like brazilians myself - imo it looks nice and I like the added sensitivity. It's not everyone's cup of tea but I do it for me, not DH. He doesn't mind either way! :)

op do you think maybe its YOU projecting on to your husband that he doesn't fancy you? (iyswim?)

if he hasn't really said or done anything to make you think that then maybe its in your head, (don't mean that bitchy or anything btw)

when we have babies it can really knock our body confidence. how many do you have, and how old are they? if they are quite young you may be sleep deprived etc so that won't help you feel sexy

i bet you don't look half as bad as you think :(

I agree that you shouldn't try and make yourself "better" (debatable anyway), there is a deeper problem than what you look like. I agree you should try and recapture intimacy, get that right before trying to have lots of sex.

And everything Malificence and similar posters said.

"Rip" pubes out? Ever heard about shaving?

As for spicing your sex life up -- talk. Particularly about fantasies.