Can this be fixed? Really need a different perspective...

[OhNoNotTheHoneyBabies]

I have a horrible feeling that there's no good way to fix this problem, but here goes (sorry if it's a bit long!).

I split up with DH last year due to many reasons and we won't be getting back together. I was living abroad at the time and decided to come back to my home town. After just a few weeks I bumped into an old ex boyfriend. We instantly felt attraction for each other and started a relationship (probably far too soon looking back). For the first couple of months we couldn't really see each other much but we sent each other lots of texts and emails. These were very saucy and he said many times how attracted to me he was, how he couldn't wait to sleep with me etc. He made it very clear that he was sexually attracted to me and wanted us to have a great love life. He also said stuff like he had always loved me and I was 'the one'. All this was music to my ears after a very soul destroying marriage.

Fast forward several months and things have changed drastically. He says he loves me and shows affection for me quite a lot. I am in love with him too. Everything is fine except he is just not interested at all in a physical relationship with me. He has no libido and it turns out all that stuff he said was bollocks. His lack of libido comes from bad experiences in his childhood.

I have tried to instigate sex with him many times and been knocked back which has really made me feel like crap, to be honest. I've also tried speaking to him about it, but he gets angry and says that I am sex mad and I'm trying to force him to do it when he doesn't want to. He says that I am a selfish bitch because I want everything my own way.

I do feel very sorry for what's happened to him but also very angry and frustrated at the way things are. He told so many lies in the beginning and made out that he was very attracted to me when he actually wasn't at all. He says that he never wants to have sex and that he will never change this.

I love him and fancy him like mad but having no physical relationship and being rejected is making me feel so sad and screwed up. He says that I should love him enough to except it.

Am I being a selfish cow in expecting him to compromise a bit? At the monent he is the dictator. He won't seek any help either. I'm so scared of being on my own. It's not going to work is it?

My ex was good at that, would always find something I had done that cause his behaviour?! Once, just before I ended it, he pushed me off his cock as he 'wasn't really in the mood' having initiated it, and let me get on?!

Apparently, had I bought him a pizza, played some music, bit of massage, things may have turned out better that night. I felt awful, truly terrible, thankfully I have a great support network, and my dear friends made me realise it wasn't ME with the issues, it was him.

Don't let him turn it around, stand strong in your knowledge that the issue lies with him, and he's refusing to tackle it

He sounds like he's being a knob regardless of the issue at stake, frankly.

And I know how you feel about the being annoyed at how they seemed to manage okay with previous partners. That one makes me wistful and sad.

HairyGrotter it sounds like your ex was a total arsehole!

The whole situation is just so crap. And the worst part is that when we do split up he'll make out that it's all my fault - and he'll actually believe that it is

Meh, let him believe it. People like that will just go through life placing blame at others doors so that don't have to look to themselves.

Pity him, I would. You are capable of having a normal relationship without counselling, he isn't and it'll happen again to him

Oh hun get rid he is playing minds games BIG time with you, HE should not have entered into a relationship with anyone, sounds like he just wants to be taken care of , we you are not his MOTHER, please get rid of him before he screws your lovely head up , remember there is nothing wrong with you, YOU are NORMAL
you have a normal libido, HE doesnt, END OF, take care BIG HUG TO YOU

op he sounds a nob

just get rid

I think all women need to rid themselves of this idea that poor quality sex or lack of it, are insufficient grounds to end a relationship.

If sex is important to you (and it is to the majority of people) then this is a massive deal.

absolutely sternface.

< wishes sgb would pop up on thread and talk sense to the op >

Thanks for the kick up the arse everyone!

I know what I need to do. Just need to do it now.