Rah! need to offload re toxic family

[luzluz]

Sorry, just need to loudly and publicly offload, no need to answer, it is nice to write it all down and put it out there.

Mother (refuse to write DM) goads me into arguments and always manipulates the situation to ensure that she is left looking like the victim. i am sick sick sick of being manipulated. I generally keep my distance but now and again a family event will mean I am drawn in temporarily and forget how to manage the situation. I'm left feeling ashamed and angry.

Brother, evil narc, also learnt this method of getting at me and applied it at will (cut him off yrs ago but still tries to get messages to me through M).

Father (now dead) had serious personality disorder and was completely insane and abusive on many levels.

Grandmother (now dead) evil narc.

How am I still alive and somewhat sane? I have lovely DH and wonderful DC.

RAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sympathy to all of you out there suffering the same. If I don't write all this stuff down i start to doubt myself.

Feel better now

luzluz, that is an excellent list, especially the non-committal responses and distraction techniques. My M and I are both interested in make-up, clothes etc so that's usually quite a safe topic, so long as I agree with everything she says, which is ok for me because I don't have any emotional investment in the matter.

twinkle, my parents have definitely read part of that handbook too! Mine would include non-Catholics, non-married couples, all friends of mine, British people (who are all 'English' as far as they are concerned) and anyone who does things in a different way to how they would do it. Oh and course, me - I'm firmly in the 'shit' box due to my lack of contact and general refusal to kiss their arses. People can move from the 'good' box to the 'shit' box on the slightest whim and are likely to remain there for life. Movement from 'shit' to 'good' is virtually unheard of. Sigh. Sometimes when I get a bit of distance from them, I can almost laugh at the craziness. Almost.

Thanks again everyone who has shared their story. I had a much better day yesterday - was back at work and feeling much calmer and emotionally distanced from it all.

MN can literally save your sanity sometimes.

to all of you and sorry that you are going through this.

Very glad to hear it - keep offloading!