Feeling emotional

[barkwithnobite]

Hmmm....lwhere do I start.

I've stuck. Married to a man 12yrs older than me. I'm an introvert and he's an extrovert. Quite frankly, with benefit of the years, I don't know how we ended up together. Our courtship was turbulent, but we somehow fell into marriage when I got pregnant in my early 20s.

He spent his weekends out in clubs and God knows where, while I struggled with the baby..... He'll come home as late as 10am the next day - drunk as a skunk, and sleep all day.....

I threatened to leave several times particularly after he slapped me during an argument, I even went back to my parents, but he came back begging.....

We are both professionals and I work full time, but got very basic help from him.

Second child came - my family thought I was mad, but when DH is good, he is very good, hence the repeated cycle. Problems ressurected, i got diagnosed with hypertension....We got live in help, but we split the bill....

Problems began after he successfully convinced me to get pregnant again - he just refused to help around the house, shared the bills with me and carried on partying at weekends. More arguments, he hit me again during one argument..... I was ready to leave, and then the final blow - my au pair claimed he drunkenly came into her room at 3am asking questions about her family and other random questions - not sexually oriented, but she didn't feel comfortable with a chat at that time of the morning.....l

I told him to leave, but he begged and begged, arranged counselling, stopped the late nights, started helping with the kids, and was totally perfect! I thought the counselling had helped.....

Stupid me, fell for it - we went on holiday, I came back and found out I was pregnant.....

Needless to say, late nights and selfish behaviour has returned. He is helpful with the kids now, and realises his duties as a dad(finally), but he is a sh** husband. We have 2 good days, 4 bad days, and now I just am on tenterhooks constantly. I don't have any iota of trust or respect for him, and it probably makes me overbearing + hormones everywhere.

I wish I could get a man's perspective on this. DH says I have unrealistic expectations, but the bottom line is I don't think I can ever trust or love him again.

Don't know what to do, and I AM pregnant! The kids also adore him, and he will never ever move out if I asked.......

That really doesn't sound good. You know he's not going to change don't you? This is him, forever. He's been given every opportunity to do so but he's pretty happy the way he is. He can go out, have fun, behave as badly as he wants to and he knows that his wife and family are there for him.

I don't think that you need a man's perspective on this and I certainly don't agree with you H's 'unrealistic expectations' comment. It is realistic to expect love, respect and support from your H, otherwise what's the point? I think you should re-read your post. Do you really want to stay with an abusive, immature, selfish, sorry excuse of a man for the rest of your life. You don't think that you can trust or love him again, I'm not suprised, he hasn't given you any reason to think that you should.

I think that you and your children deserve a much better life than the one you are experiencing now.

I'll give you a mans view. He behaves terribly but you have to look at yourself in this. You knew what he was like years ago but keep forgiving him and keep getting pregnant. He is never going to change to your liking. Hitting a partner should be the end of that relationship. There is no excuse.