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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Broke up - now back "together" - what am I doing???

9 replies

SlapFaceScratchBogeyNose · 01/07/2012 19:31

I won't bore everyone with the details but we don't live together and he has a history of lying (about little things as well as some bigger things), facebook flirting, joining dating sites and visiting hardcore porn sites.

I broke it off with him a few months ago as I just knew it was going nowhere and I wanted to move on. However we had a weekend away already booked so we agreed to still go "as friends" - ended up having a great weekend, slept together and fell back into the relationship.

Since then, he hasn't been lying as far as I know but the facebook thing has continued and he continues to flirt with girls at work. Again, I knew it was going nowhere, we never see each other when it really matters (christmas, holidays etc) and I wanted to move on and find someone I could have a real relationship with.

So 4 days ago, I broke up with him. He was "upset" but didn't beg for forgiveness or 2nd chances etc, just said we'd stay friends.

Saturday, he texts me asking if I fancied going for a quick curry - I was bored, fed up, feeling stressed out and down and so agreed. To cut a long story short, we got drunk, he came back to mine, we slept together and spent most of today together. He's now saying he's so glad we're "back together".

I'm trying to work out wtf I'm doing here, because when we're together, I do enjoy his company and like having him around. When he's not here, I get resentful at all the "proper" couples out there, think about all the bad stuff he's done and realise over and over again that there is no future for us.

Has anyone else been through this? To me it feels like a friends with benefits situation - to him it's a "relationship".

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 01/07/2012 19:35

I dont know what you are doing, but its very clear what his motives are.. a shag at the end of the night. If that isnt what you want, then dont devalue yourself by doing it.

He doesnt want a relationship, and he doesnt respect you.

Back2Two · 01/07/2012 19:37

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

stainesmassif · 01/07/2012 19:39

Just because he calls it a relationship doesn't mean that it is.
If you want a friend with benefits, this is what he's actually offering you. Don't worry about discussing it with him or expecting him to see your pov, he won't.

SlapFaceScratchBogeyNose · 01/07/2012 19:41

But he wants it to be exclusive and says he loves me etc. I, selfishly want him around for the time being ... whilst keeping my eye out for mr right. I know that's wrong - I have broke up with him twice. I don't know how this keeps happening.

OP posts:
izzyizin · 01/07/2012 19:42

The only future you've got with him is a variation of Groundhog Day.

If that's not what you want for yourself, you know what to do - go cold turkey. Don't plan weekends away with him and say no to invites for curries, drinks, and the like.

izzyizin · 01/07/2012 19:49

It keeps happening because you're emotionally lazy using him to boost your ego/fill your spare time/assauge your lonelieness until something more appealing hoves into view.

If you don't want to end it, be honest with him and move this relationship onto a clearcut fwb basis.

Back2Two · 01/07/2012 19:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/07/2012 19:51

If you're confident that you can use him up and spit him out when you're done, go for it. Harden your heart. Use and abuse. But if what you want is a potential life-partner or if you're likely to get carried away with romantic ideas of love, kick this man to the kerb and keep him kicked.

Lueji · 02/07/2012 07:50

He wants you to be exclusive.

Otherwise, he'd be already.

Think carefully if you will be able to find mr right while with him.

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