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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DH is proving to be a let down

5 replies

WingingItBadly · 01/07/2012 16:05

Over our DS who is coming to terms with being gay/bi.
DH is going from denial to dismissal. He will not discuss it with him at all and barely with me.

Its early days but I expected so much more. After 20 years I am looking him anew and with disgust.

How long do I give him before I make it a serious issue? DS needs him behaving like this like a hole in the head, and ds & dd cone first.

OP posts:

CrikeyOHare · 01/07/2012 16:12

You can't force your DH to either talk about it or accept it, so don't try.

Instead, concentrate on being 100% supportive of your DS. If he needs extra support, point him towards the "It gets better" clips on YouTube - lots and lots of gay men and women offering advice to youngsters struggling with their sexuality. Very moving & inspiring.

So sorry that your DS has to manage without the unconditional support of your husband. Total crap :(

Original poster

WingingItBadly · 01/07/2012 16:34

I'll make sure ds gets all that he needs. dd is right behind him too.

I will never look at dh the same way again.

OP posts:

brokendowndaphne · 01/07/2012 16:40

give him time, its a shock, he needs to come to terms with it in his own mind

he probably has a million questions whizzing through his mind at the same time and cant verbalise them

be kind, not everyone can accept everything immediately

CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/07/2012 16:41

How long have you both known? Was it a complete surprise or had you guessed before he told you? If it's pretty recent news and/or your DS had given no hint then you have to allow a short time for any initial shock to subside. But then I think it's too important a matter to ignore or avoid and DH has to know that he's losing your respect for not handling the news like a grown-up.

Original poster

WingingItBadly · 01/07/2012 16:47

I know its early. I've only found out for certain this weekend. We all need time to adjust but I expect a father to think of his son not just hinself!

That's the trouble - dh is a good husband but never been a great father esp to ds. Right now ds and dd are what matters.

Maybe right now I'm in full mum-mode and my other needs matter less. Bad news for him if he doesn't start to shape up. I need him to be a good dad more than a partner/lover.

OP posts:

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