Sorry in advance for the long post..feel upset and would like some advice and support.
I am thinking of getting a divorce. My daughter is 1 and I am her main caregiver. In the past year, lots of issues have come up with my husband. He has not step up to the plate as a father and does not provide me with much support with the baby. I look after her 98% - feed, dress, bathe, buy stuff (clothes, nappies, toiletries etc), look after her through the night when she is poorly. He claims to be busy with work. He comes in at about 7, has dinner than says he has got work to do. So I rarely get a break, as I do the evening feeding, bathing, bedtime as well.
Recently she started nursery (when I went back to work), he does the drop off and pick up as the nursery is his work nursery. But I wake up at 6, get her changed,make her bottles to take with her, pack her nursery bag etc) When he drops her back in the house, I do the food prep, feed, milk, bath and put to bed.
Recently I was so ill with chicken pox that I could barely get out of bed (day 2), I pleaded with him to take urgent leave to look after baby, but he flatly refused, saying it was impossible and did not even try to ask work.
I returned to work recently and had to take a week's leave (baby had by then got chicken pox) although I had only been back for 2 days, because he claims he cannot take leave from work.
I have been basically functioning as a single parent. The only time he wants to take her is when it suits him, or when we have an argument and he makes a point of fussing over her. (saying that I am a bad mum for arguing with her around).
I am a good mum (sorry, not blowing my own trumpet here but just want to point out). She is healthy, happy and very sociable baby. Midwives and health visitors all seem to say when we have our routine checkups. She is also very close to me as I have been with her and taken care of her more than anyone else.
Also, he has been very verbally abusive towards me, especially when we argue. calling me all sorts of names. And has also told me that if ever there is a custody battle he will make sure it turns ugly. I am now concerned that he will make up lies about me to take my baby away from me.
I am not British but have a permanent resident visa and have been living here for 7 years. I have a professional job and not a bad salary. (hence I can support myself and the baby). From reading on UK law websites, it seems to say that since she is British by birth, the father has parental responsibility. Does this mean that just due to this, the courts (if this goes to court) will deem him to be the 'preferred' parent, although I have been the main caregiver. What can I do if he lies to discredit me?
For eg. today, after picking a row with me and calling me names again, he went out at 12:30 and it is now close to 23:00, and he is still not back. Not even a text from him to see how baby is. But what he did do was send me an email to insinuate that I am not giving him access/ contact with her and asks in a sarcastic tone if I can 'let him have access to her for a few hours' tomorrow. When really he could have ask to spend time with her today, but chose not to do so. We (baby and I) saw him come back to the house at 15:35 to pick up his golf clubs. Hence like I said, he only chooses to spend time with her when it suits him and his social plans or to further any hidden agenda.
I am worried that I will lose my baby although I know I am by far the better parent to look after her.
Sorry for the long post, but this has been giving me sleepless nights.