I'm (literally) breaking up the family home today.

[muckingfuddled]

I've name-changed. Have posted over the last year about my marriage breakdown after 20 years. He'd had another affair only this one was the deal-breaker and he is now with OW and wearing purple trousers (that's a whole other story). Recently as we've had to have contact to sign contracts and so on he has tried to re-engage with me and i've made it abundantly clear that once the house is sold and the settlement completed he MUST go away and live the life he chose. He is finding this hard to do and can't resist snooping every time i have to talk to him. It's hard.

So I have sold our home and have to be out quite quickly and I've yet to find another home for me and DD who is leaving home for 6th form college in September, against my better judgment.

I have a home full of stuff and memories to sort through, pack and chuck. For the first time in ages I don't feel strong enough to do this. I am heartbroken and angry. I just need some strokes or something. Please.

That must be really sad and hard

But it's not you that's broken your home and family

(((hugs)))

Can you get a friend and a bottle of wine to make it feel less raw?

< pops up to give some soothing strokes >

I am so sorry, love. He left you no choice, remember that. Tell him to stay away from you, you don't have to be friendly to salve his conscience.

Think about those purple trousers and what a dick he looks in them. Try to be thankful you don't have to continue to deal with his ridiculous midlife angst.

All the best x

Hi
You are at the most difficult part
Stay strong
Can you get some nice bits and bobs for your new home? This might help
Even a vase of flowers, and personal nick nacks to make it feel like home
Good luck

There, there, it'll be all right, Mucking, a job you'll be glad to have done and be over with.
Reject flashbacks, memories, etc. as soon as they pop up, do not let them mess up with your mind.
Keep telling yourself it's only stuff.
Pretend it's all someone else's stuff?
Only keep the very best and nothing that hurts.
Have the best day you can, be kind to yourself.

'Think about those purple trousers and what a dick he looks in them'

This - keep doing this. He sounds ridiculous. Think about what he's done to you and get angry, that will give you energy.

My advice would be to accept that it's going to be tough and be gentle with yourself. Plan a reward for when you're done - nice dinner, glass bottle of wine, DVD, whatever. I'm so sorry you're hurting but this is something you have to go through to move on with your life

I found it cathartic to throw away almost everything we/I possessed. It started off really hard, the odd sniffle with the memories, but towards the end I found I was moving on as well.

It was much eassier to deal with things once the reminders were gone.

I had purple trousers too, but it was the 60's .............!

If you cant face it at the moment why not pack essential papers and stuff you really want then if possible and if you can afford it get a removal firm in to box the rest up and put it in storage.
Can you rent somewhere until you've found a new home, just to give you breathing space, to make sure you dont buy somewhere you feel you were forced into living in.

oh and a virtual hug

Ah poor you - you are in the ending stage but can't yet see the positive future as you have uncertainty.

"The darkest hours are just before dawn" hang on to that thought. Try and picture an image of you in a lovely cosy house, your dd blissfully happy and you feeling settled and content. That can be your future.

There is so much hope for your future now, he cannot make you feel bad anymore, take care.

Your priority is finding a home for you and dd and you're best advised to focus on this project.

As for the 'stuff', bin all obvious junk without a second thought.

Until such time as you know what you may need in your new home, box up those especially treasured possessions that you wouldn't want to be parted from even if you were reduced living in shoebox/on a park bench and then set to work on boxing up the remainder in room categories (kitchen, living room, breakfast room, dining room, etc) listing the contents on the outside of each box.

Take what you need to your new home and put the remainder in storage to be retrieved and properly sorted through/disposed of once you have made your mark established yourself in your new environment.

Until such time as you have the inclination/leisure/will/emotional strength to stroll down memory lane, see objects for what they are - inaminate items that only have as much meaning as you invest in them and which, in themselves, have no power to cause you pain.

Having moved house umpteen times on 2 different continents, I have a virtual warehouse in my memory bank that's packed to the eaves with goods that have passed through my hands and are no longer in my possession but I only visit it if I happen to come across an item that reminds me of what I once owned and loved.

As for ptm, detach detach detach before he sucks you back in. Revert to the former status quo of minimal communication by email. Don't accept phone calls from him or make any to him, and do not engage in dialogue on any matters other than those which have to do with financial settlements etc - but isn't your solicitor dealing with these issues?