Think I am about to be unreasonable re: DSis, would appreciate advise please.

[GraduationNation]

Have NC to protect her privacy as a few people know me IRL.

I am really not sure what to do. DSis graduates next week. Have booked accommodation with DP, who now can't come. She asked if it was okay to have our room and I share with our parents as she's going clubbing and didn't want to disturb them.

Yesterday she revealed that she has her first proper BF and it occurred to me this morning that she probably wants my room so she can spend 'quality time' with him. I haven't spoken to her about this as she would, quite rightly, probably tell me to MMOB and that she is an adult. Which is true.

My problem is twofold: I have never met this bloke, he could be an absolute shit (I have possibly spent too much time on this board... have also just read a horrible rape story in the paper) and the big sister in me wants to protect her. I don't want her first experience of sex to be something she regrets - like I do. They have only been together a month (like me when I first had sex) and in hindsight me & then-BF rushed things far too soon because of (my second problem) we were going to be living hundreds of miles apart and so things felt pressured. DSis and this bloke will be living in Glasgow and London respectively. I know what jobs they will be doing and they won't have any free time to visit each other - maybe one weekend in three or four. So what if it ends soon and she regrets it like I did.

There will also be copious amounts of alcohol involved that night.

I was erring on letting her have my room, although I had been looking forward to a quiet night with a book (wouldn't get that sharing with my parents) and she thinks I am not going to say yes because of the book reason. I don't know. I think I need some wise people to tell me IABU... I know I can't a) live her life for her, b) control her but I still feel that this is something within my power to protect her IYSWIM? I think I am just panicking as I have read so many awful rape stories recently and there will be alcohol involved. Any advice welcome...

Okay. IABU but IANBU to want a nice quiet night without sharing with my parents (who go to bed at 9pm... I go at midnight so would lie there for a few hours). So I will no longer think of her sex life and will trust that she has found a decent bloke who will respect any boundaries even when drunk. I will say she can sleep on the floor if she wants to roll in at 3am and will make no reference to the BF.

I'll wait a while (so the conversations aren't linked) and check that everything is sorted on the contraception front. She has her head well screwed on anyway so contraception is not something that even concerns me, but I will let her know that if she wants to talk I am here - our DM certainly isn't capable of having that kind of convo.

Thank you for your help... I do tend to overthink when I can't talk things over, I think most people do, so it has been good to discuss this :)

Yeah you just need to let her get on with her own sex life.

Although if she's as innocent as you say you should probably have the sti conversation.

As for giving up your room, that's up to you, you're not obliged to just because you sister wants to have sex. Personally i wouldn't share with my parents! I need my privacy!

Why can't your sister pay for her own room?

At the time of the booking she didn't have her results (& thus a confirmed job) so shared... even this room was £60. Now she has her results and job there will be few rooms left and they will be at least £100. Honestly this is a large sum for either of us at the moment - it's a very touristy city, very small and the students are a substantial part of the population. There are always accommodation problems - her living costs were on a par with London.

You should keep your own room. If she wants a room of her own, she can get one.

however, it is none of your business who her boyfriend is or who she is sleeping with.

Couldn't the family have all chipped in as a graduation present? If he wants her so much, why isn't he sharing the cost with her? I don't think £100 is that bad for such a special event.

Her BF could pay for the room.

YABU to have an issue with your 23-year-old sister having sex. YANBU as the older sister of a 23-year-old to not want to share a room with your parents - I would have been mortified to have to do that at a considerably younger age. No reason why you should have three hours of sitting around being deadly quiet and reading in crap light so she can have her end away. I think you should offer her the option of sleeping on your floor though...

Can't her and the boyfriend go halves?

Also where has she been living whilst a student? Has she moved out? Couldn't she of had him over there? What about his place?