What do you need & what do you want? Discuss

[Bugsy2]

I have been having some counselling because my life disappeared down the loo & took me with it for a brief while.
Anyhow, last week my counsellor sent me away to think about what I needed from a relationship and what I wanted.
I have found this surprisingly difficult.

I have come to the conclusion that I am emotionally self-sufficient. I don't actually think I "need" another adult human being for anything. I can think of lots of emotional things I "want", but to me they seem to be just optional extras.
So, lovely MNers - what do you "need" in emotional terms from your dps/dhs. Please inspire me and show me that there may be room for someone else in my life and that I am not an emotional island!!!!!

I want:

-love
-friendship
-understanding
-support
-somebody to laugh and cry with
-somebody who will accept and love me for who i am without judging me even my faults
-somebody to cuddle up in bed with at night

• sex!

i think the best position you can be in is to not "need" anything from your partner, but rather want what someone has to offer you. if you are aware its a choice not a necessity to be with someone then you enjoy and appreciate them more but with the knowledge that were the relationship to end tomorrow you would survive. if you can be that secure in yourself then you arent jealous or possesive and your relationship is on a better grounding so i think that you are actually headed on the right track

jco, your list is also what i want, need everything. also respect.
but thats an ideal world. ill settle for a roof over my head, food to eat, etc etc.

Just to clarify this isn't about basic needs like food, water & shelter. This is about what you need emotionally from a partner.
Thank you by the way JCO & prettyfly. Both interesting.

Interesting

I would say for a relationship to be worthwhile I need:

• respect

-honesty

• loyalty
• kindness

but I want

• love
• affection
• support
• physical intimacy
• friendship
• enormous .... bank balance

sorry bugsy, but i stick with what i said. only people who have their physical needs met can have the luxury to think of emotional needs

I'm not sure about that, stitch. DH and I have been through several periods when our basic physical needs could not be met. Very frightening and unpleasant. But because our emotional needs were being met, by one another, we were able to get through it all much more easily.

Actually that's an interesting point Stitch.

I wonder whether children who run away from home and live in squats and on the street and put themselves in physical danger because they find their home lives so intolerable would say the same.
Not trying to nit pick, but genuinely interested in what people think about this.

also is sex purely a physical or an emotional need? I think sometimes things we think of as physical have a huge emotional element to them.

But I think Bugsy's question assumes basic physical needs are catered for?

i also think that men and women would give IMMENSLY different answers to this and physical needs would be placed much higher up the list. i still maintain that to mainatin an effective relationship we should be able to maintain our own basic needs emotionally in order to appreciate having our wants fulfilled.

as much as i like sex - its not a need. noone ever died through lack of action. sorry guys. i guess it depends what constitutes "need"