What would you do

[damppatchnot]

berm married 9 years

Two kids 8 and 4

Dh never been overly keen on sex (on and off ) but last marriage I was beaten and raped so seemed ok

Last few years things been difficult. He's happy to come home watch tv and drink and is always borrowing money as he doesn't earn much and was never good with cash. I pay for most things and organise everything kids need. He doesn't come on hols prefers to chill at home and moans about getting no time to himself

The last time we had sex was night son conceived and he's never shown any interest saying he feels daft

Never pays me compliment or makes any effort to be romantic

I worked with a man I had serious crush on but never thought anymore

I left work and have really missed him. He got in touch as I found out he's ill and he said he's very unhappy at home and has left his wife. I told a mutual friend who said don't you know he's mad on you?

Reeling with it. What would you do. I asked dh fir divorce last month and he said he won't leave

I would consider leaving my husband and meeting another man. Not necessarily this one tho, might get messy. The issue is the marriage leaving you desperate for love and affection. x

Thankyou

If you don't take the OM completely out the equation dh will be able to divorce you on the grounds of your unreasonable behaviour in respect of your emotional affair.

Given the lack of sex in your marriage and his failure to particpate in family holidays plus his inability to manage money, you have more than sufficient grounds to file for divorce.

Make an appointment with a solicitor who specialises in divorce and family law and who offers a free half an hour consultation.

Forget about the OM until you are both legally free to find new partners.

If you want to be rid of your H, you don't need his permission to end the relationship - and he doesn't sound worth keeping. Depending on who owns the house, etc, you might be able to force him out or move out yourself with DC; have a chat with a solicitor.
TBH the other man's a bit of an irrelevance - your marriage doesn't sound worth saving but once you have got rid of H it would be better to spend a little time on your own rather than rushing straight into another relationship. Best of luck.

Thankyou for the advice x

You're very welcome and I hope it works out for you.