friendships with other Women - is it just me or.......

[GhouliaYelps]

do all friends at some point let you down - do or usually SAY something where you think and have to let go on the basis that they have been great friends in the past?
I have a wide circle of friends that I keep in touch with I would say 60% for my DD and 40% for me, they can be lovely but sometimes their opinions I really don't agree with, our lifestyles differ in lots of ways but I sort of keep plodding on with the friendships because the DC get on very well, at this point anyway.
Our DC are young 5/6 and I can't wait until they make friends for themselves and sort out their own arrangements but I suspect this will be a long way off....
DD attends a school where you seem to have to make a monumental effort as they are not very forthcoming at all. It is all such an effort whereas my own friendships that don't involve the DC are genuinely pleasurable.
Does this make sense? Maybe my brain is melting in the heat....

Surely DS's friends' mums are not proper friends.

Sometimes I gel with other mums but not necessarily of DS's friends.

maybe not, maybe I am realising this now...

All sounds normal to me.The childrens friends parents can be a mixed bunch.But most times I can see why my child likes their child.And that is the important bit,so long as you think your child is safe in the friends home.
Your own friends,it is up to you.Mine are very nice,known them since we were teenagers.They say and do things from time to time that I may not agree with,but I am pretty sure that works both ways.

I have been in this boat and agonised over which way to turn - and in time they have all fallen away, to leave the ones that I don't agonise over. I'd suggest that. Quietly withdraw to a level you are comfortable with, and also maybe change the way you think of them - perhaps they are not good friends after all, perhaps you will go your separate ways in time, and that really is OK. Not everyone stays in our lives for life. Only a few. Free up your time, you deserve it x

I think you are right Ghoulia. I have struggled to understand some of the women I have got to know as other mums. A few of them have really made me think and whilst others aren't like and I might like the chance to get to know just them, the dominant ones seem to be quite hard to avoid and are into everything.

I tend to leave them to it more these days now dc are older. I really can't be doing with the politics that some seem to thrive on. It makes my head spin; I wonder why I don't enjoy the buzz of it in the way they do.

Part of me wishes I could join in with it, but when I try it makes me miserable. I don't have a computer brain with the low down on everyone at my fingertips nor do I want it. I don't think I'm wired up to be part of a big gossipy gang.

And yet when I meet up with my best friend from years back it's so relaxiing and fun. I don't feel on edge at all.

Ditto the dominant ones being v hard to avoid. At our school the two super dominant Mums seem to pick and choose others to drop and take as friends and everyone just seems happy to sit and wait for their attention it is very When they are present they seem to have to be really loud, and the centre of attention.
I just can't suck up anymore I am really out of energy for it. But I have to still make the effort for DD for the friends she has, although it is getting so painful. Even the Mums I thought were nice are doing things where I think - if your DD wasn't pals with my DD I would honestly happily never see you again...the inane chatter...it's so boring. That makes me sound awfully fake and I am a bit torn about it.

Why don't you just arrange for the children to get together and keep the other socializing to a minimum. I just have children over for tea or vice versa and whilst there may be a couple of mums I'll have a cup of tea with, mostly we just drop and run.

Life is too short to have hundreds of aquaintances, and you are right, friends shouldn't be hard work. However, I'm not sure why you call them friends anyway. I also get on fine with people with quite different opinions than myself, although it depends how different of course! But these tend to be friends I have known forever and so tolerate their differences in politics or religion or childrearing on the basis that we have known each other for a long time and have an emotional bond rather than one on shared interests.

But, if this playground chatter is boring, sidestep it, be polite, fix playdates and not much else. It's not compulsory you know!

I'm not friends with my DC's friend's mums - I can sit and chat to them, but they're not friends.

I don't think that you need to be friends with, like or even have anything in common with your DC's Mums.

I remember that my mum was rarely friends with other mums - she was very shy socially; so she just let me & my sis make our own friends & arrange our own 'playdates' (that's going to their houses for tea or going on a day out etc isn't it?).

My mum's priority was always our safety, as she found it very hard to trust people. In fact she actively disliked some friends' parents but still allowed us to be friends & socialise with them.
Mum always got other parents' phone numbers; & stayed at parties for a few mins to get a 'feel' of the atmosphere so she would know if she felt ok to leave us there.
She always checked where we were going & how / what time we would get home. Most important - she let us know that we could always phone her to come & collect us at any time.
She taught us when to be wary of certain situations, & to think like individuals rather than to give in to peer pressure. Also we knew we could confide in her about anything.
This was in the 80s / early 90s - i know life has changed but i do think that my mum had common sense in her approach to bringing us up.

As a result of my mum's 'hands-off' approach to our friendships: my sister & i were very sensible & from an early age we quickly became skilled at making our own decisions re: friends, who you could trust, who we felt comfortable with etc - & i think those skills are very important to learn for all children.

OP - concentrate on your own friends, & don't worry so much about making friends with all your DC's parents.

My DS is now 14 and mostly all the "friends" I made through DS when younger have fallen by the wayside. Think it's normal really.

my DCs are all grown up - there is just one woman I met through the 'mums' at school that I would call a friend, the rest are much more casual aquaintances, I think that's OK and perfectly normal