Toxic mother now questioning dd

[Memoo]

Long story short is that after a life time of emotional abuse I decided about a month ago that I was going to cut myself off from my parents. My mother has been sending me messages via fb but I have ignored them.

My eldest dd is 13 and in the last few days my mother has sent her messages asking questions about me!

Surely this is totally out of order? I don't trust my own instincts at all.

I have no problem with dd being in contact with her grandmother but feel like she is being manipulated by her.

Do I ignore or tell my mother to back off?

[LemonBreeland]

Memoo, if you want your Mum out of your life, whivh is perfectly understandable, why do you want someone so toxic in your DDs life?

I think you need to block her from your DDs FB too.

[mathanxiety]

The mother is not being forced to get information anyway she can. This is about the mother not being able to stand rejection or he creation of a boundary between her and Memoo. It is also most likely about using the information to one-up Memoo when the subject of her illness comes up.

Memoo Asking your DD about you is extremely disrespectful of both you and your DD. She is using your DD. She doesn't care how you are. She just wants you to know that you owe her information about yourself even though you have told her your relationship is now fractured she is also telling you that that decision of yours is not something she takes seriously. She is out of order in a big way.

The fact that she is not concerned is what matters here, and the place that lack of concern has in the dynamic that is going on. It doesn't matter that there may be no specific malicious intention discernible to Memoo right now -- the entirety of the relationship is characterised by the mother using everything Memoo gives her, whether information or affection or intimacy, throwing it back in her face one way or another and making it all about the mother's superiority. Nobody outsicks a N mother. Nobody out-divorces a N mother. Nobody has an emcs like a N mother. Nobody out-cancers a N mother. If they don't compare your experience to your face and come out having suffered more, they will use your experience to compete with their acquaintances and trump whatever their children are suffering from. Nothing is about you if you have a N parent. It is all about the parent reigning supreme in their own little world.

[Abitwobblynow]

memoo - look at the actions. One sibling goes to the ends of the earth to get away, and the other to the ends of the country.

Give up girl. Remember the 3 c.s. you didn't cause it, you cannot control it, and your really, really cannot cure it.

[DuelingFanjo]

wrong thread Jamilaa ?

[summerflower]

The mother is not being forced to get information anyway she can. This is about the mother not being able to stand rejection or he creation of a boundary between her and Memoo.