I am writing on here to stop me from texting 'my' married man.......

[WaterAllAround]

Over the last 6 months, I have become unexplicably close to a man at work.

We're both married. We are both early 30's. We both have 2 children.

We have both been married since our very early twenties and we both thought we were quite happy in our marriages until we started feeling the chemistry between us.

Neither of us has ever remotely looked at another person since being married and we are both quite uncomfortable with it. But at the same time, the unexplicable draw to each other is huge.

We have kissed a few times, but there is no way we would ever take things any further.

We keep in touch by text and e-mail every day and I think this needs to stop, but quite honestly this would feel like cutting my arm off at the moment. He's pretty much my best friend and I am going to miss that so much

Well, I have kept away from the phone all evening. I know that sounds crap, but today is the first day of no contact for several months. Especially now, at bed time we would normally be chatting to each other by text.

ParanoidAndroid - as you might imagine, I have been reading lots of threads on here to try and drum into myself the severity of the fallout from something like this. Most of them, I read, I think I've taken it in, but they go nowhere towards changing my feelings for this man. There was something about your post that really hit home to me. You conveyed the rawness of your emotion very succinctly, and I am very grateful to you for that. It really made me stop and think twice.

The thing that I am left struggling with now is 'why would I have done this if I was happy in my marriage?' In all honesty, the signs were there that this relationship would develop a long time ago. I made the active choice to persue it. Dh has been unfaithful once back when we first got together and I think I sort of saw this as my chance to 'even the score' and not feel guilty. Now this is making me realise that maybe my entire marriage has been built on sand

You're married not dead. Feeling an attraction to and a connection with someone else doesn't have to mean anything about your marriage.

If on the other hand you're punishing your husband when you told him he was forgiven - again it was an active choice of yours to stay in the marriage and forgive - then that's a rather pointless and covert punishment, isn't it?

I think you're looking for excuses for what is actually quite a normal and commonplace event. Excuses that minimise your behaviour and which position you as a victim who was in an unhappy marriage, otherwise you wouldn't be doing this.

You need to be more realistic about how commonplace it is to feel attracted to others while being in a committed relationship - and you need to make sure you're not re-writing history here. Have a think back to before you laid eyes on this bloke. What was your marriage like then - truly? Do you remember feeling unhappy and aggrieved about your husband's earlier infidelity? If so, why did you not speak to him about it?

Keep up the no-contact, but it needs to be backed up by some clear unequivocal message to the OM. Just ignoring him isn't going to work is it?

I have read over and over "it wasn't until I met OM that I realised how unhappy I was". No, what happens is you are quite happy til you get all excited and obsessed about the new man, the feelings you get for him start to override the feelings for your H and then you start to invent reasons why you are unhappy and have to leave to be with OM.

There was a similar thread to this not long ago and she said exactly the same.

My H wasn't unhappy til he started the contact with OW. He has shocked everyone by walking out. Now he has nothing. No home no money and sees his daughter 11 hours a week. I honestly think that at some point he will come to his senses but it will be too late by then as the damage is done....

If you want to leave your husband then leave him but not for this man. You could end up losing everything and destroying everybody.

Water ((((hugs))))

This is what is wonderful about MN. You say something, someone responds, and that gives you the understanding to dig deeper.

I am very honoured that you admit that some of you choices might be driven by anger. That is understandable tbh.

All the best, may you continue to be an ethical human being.

Where are you on this list OP?